| | Irked, definently irked. I went to my local video store looking for Mrs. Brown, they had it, but not on DVD, so now I have to borrow someone's TV and VCR to watch it (which will make it a pain to write a paper on, sigh). Anyhow, while in the store I hear a new clerk telling some long involved sexual story to my favorite clerk, it had to do with the English department and the "performance art" that someone produced. A note on my favorite clerk, I like this guy a lot, and I am in there every damn week, he never seems to recognize me. I choose movies sometimes hoping he'll comment on them (also because I want to watch them, but still), no nothing. If I were drowning, he might toss me a life preserver but then he would have to ask me my name (I give it to him every damn week). At least the clerk I don't like, has some sort of feeling towards me, this guy nothing! I discovered I must not be alternative enough for him, he was incredibly wrapped up in a conversation with this hemp wearing, butchered style multi colored hair chick, the kind with earrings all up the ears and dramatic earthy makeup (she wore a serape). This guy aside, as I go to rent a movie, I notice that the new clerk is Mark, and I make handmotions to signal that I recognize him, he dismissed me! Mark, as probably only Frank remembers, is this guy who wore all black in the DC, as in he would wear black shorts black shirts and black socks with black sandals in the summer. I, thinking he was interesting, went up to talk to him freshman year, he looked at me like I was insane, and when i would wave to him periodically, he would sort of acknoledge me, like he was afraid someone might see him with me. I quickly learned my lesson and stopped waving. When we had an English class last year (spring quarter, he's an english major), I tried to catch his eye once, but gave it up, I did overhear (because he does have a loud voice) how he almost died over the weekend from drinking, he was telling this story to a beautiful woman, I guess trying to impress her. Mark is a sore point for me... I dislike being ignored, and I may be crazy but... I guess I feel 'well fuck you for acting like its a bad or shameful thing.' Grrrgrrrgrrr.
I was a bit snippy with Sterling today, I think. Well, to be fair, he didn't leave an away message up, so when he could become unidle periodically yesterday, I would IM him, and he wouldn't be there. Which is annoying and it makes me feel pathetic, and I hate feeling pathetic (especially given my concern over the "eh" away message the day before [thinking perhaps he was not doing well], which was met with "I just couldn't be bothered to put up an away message," which was well meant I am sure) My mom used to tell me to back off and let guys contact you... but (and I ran experiments with this with Jacob), that doesn't work. Because by the time he (a guy) thinks of contacting me, I've gone from expectant, to lonely, to feeling pathetic, to angry, to stonily stubborn, which makes the conversation most unfriendly. (Jacob once didn't call me for a week and a half, Calen didn't for a couple weeks) Not to say that Sterling is guilty of this at all, it just reminded me, so I think I told him to contact me when he was free (yeah, maybe a *little* pissy). Its not fair of me to be irritated, I know, I seem to require a lot of attention, and I am sorry.
Bleh I am going to go do homework
posted by Amber at 5:47 PM
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