| | | | | | Saturday, December 04, 2004 |
a change of mind
| | Well... I am feeling better I suppose. There really is no pleasing me I guess. Thinking it over, I was trying to think what the "right" response to my question would have been... and I realized I would have found everything short of Sterling wanting to be my paramour but holding back because of propriety insulting... but if I had gotten that, I would have been upset because then it would have brought an entire mess with it. I guess, no I know, that I am a lucky lucky person. Whether or not I am a misanthrope (dictionary.com offers a whole variety of definitions, some of which are me, some aren't), and nevermind that I am... a hell of a lot to deal with, I have not only a boyfriend that loves me, I also have a really good friend (a little nervous about saying "best friend" because... well I haven't discussed that with him, and I would hate to stand out on that limb by myself) who, whatever his motivations are (potentially brotherly or not), cares about me. Yay run on sentences! Even though he gets a little nervous when I say things that involve "menstruation" ( a term I never use), "dancing" "depression" and "sex" (except in the most oblique terms), I think that is part of the territory of having a guy friend. I think that I will let go of the image of him staring at me impotently as I cry (back in April when Kevin Luther backed out on me) and instead am going to hold onto the image of him curled up on his bed in the blankets laughing at whatever we were talking about (just last wednesday). I must get over the fact that he is a little reticent with emotions, and replace my frustration over the silences with my appreciation for the sympathetic glances and the sincerity in the embraces.
Wow, I feel good now ( the plus of being bi-polar I guess). Now, I must figure out what to get him for Christmas.
posted by Amber at 7:21 PM
|
0 comments
0 Comments:
| |
