| | Still riding the "I'm going dancin' " high, but its a little hard to do when... no one is around. And lately, no one has been around, damnit! I think Sterling has either 1. dissapeared off the face of the planet 2. recommenced studying (admirable... but, grumbly. I will be glad next quarter when he is done with O-chem... aw crap he isn't done with o-chem. By the time he's finished with O-chem. I'll be living in another state... oh this sucks.) or 3. something has gone terribly wrong with his internet. (I guess there is a 4, he is intentionally avoiding me... but he's never done that before... of course he's never dissapeared off the face of the earth either... maybe he's doing both!). Anyway, frank has been sorta busy (you know, doing homework hoping that the pain in his wrist goes away or it totally fucks up his life plans... forever and ever, amen). Nick is going through a hard time, so I don't want to brag, and he doesn't really want to listen to me even advise him. He doesn't want my body (his loss, I guess), he doesn't want my stories (now that IS his loss), the only thing he wants from me are my metaphorical ears. GRUMBLE!
yeah so I hung out with Lata tonight, we went to a reading, wow, poetry, can really fantasically suck, but the short story was beautiful. Lata and I had a sort of early 90s dance music moment, we miss it, someone should bring back rap that is slow enough for us to sing along to. I stand with my mother on this one (yeah, she liked early rap... she's an interesting woman), back when it was about parties and bitches, and before it was about gang wars! Little G he might be, but Monty (or "Money") really did know how we do it.
Oh yeah, have been having interesting conversations with people about how they would react in situations. Like, how Lata would like a guy to approach her (she wants him to be dorky and nervous... so she won't feel pressured.... which is weird to me. I guess maybe she's never had that, but I have, and it kind of sucks. I believe in Tootsie's take on this "just once I'd like a man to come up to me and say 'Hey, I am just as confused as you are. I could lay a line on you , but the truth of the matter is, I find you very attractive and I'd like to make love to you.' " And when I say I agree with Tootsie's approach, I mean, I'd like that, but I would also throw a glass of wine in the face of the guy who said that for being rude (and most likely carrying a venerial disease). Frank feels the need to believe in the possibility of "friends with benefits" which is interesting. Independence is a huge deal to him, he sees everything as limiting his possibilities. I don't believe in the viability of friends with benefits, I've done something similar on a couple of occasions, it doesn't work out, and people end up bleeding (metaphorically, and actually). It would be like me sleeping with Michael Johnson (hah!) and then using Sterling for emotional support, which is a fun sort of idea (hey Michael Johnson is really very attractive, and totally doesn't know it, but I wouldn't EVER want a relationship with him)... but would never work. Michael or I would become clingy, and I bet Sterling would balk at taking on another girlfriend... one who didn't even sleep with him (or love him, because I am willing to gamble that Sterling is a deeper man than that. Although to be fair I wonder sometimes if that is what Sterling is to me, and perhaps that is why he is so glad when I go to visit Frank, the guy who loves me and can deal with my shit). I don't think you can compartmentalize human interactions like that.
Anyway, it was an interesting day. I am going to bed so that I can go to class tomorrow (stupid nine am classes) and then write a paper! Lucky me
PS Sterling if/when you read this, better start thinking about your answer (to what you would be looking for in an approach, or what would best for you)
PPS Jesus Christ on a cross, lately I've been writing a lot...
posted by Amber at 1:31 AM
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