that was unexpected
| | So Logan showed up at my house (unannounced although we had vague plans to do something perhaps this evening), to tell me that we should no longer see one another. The fact that I might have been pregnant served as some sort of wake up call to him that he is not ready for a relationship right now. I think that's a fair representation of what he said. I hope so anyway.
And that hurts because it has essentially nothing to do with me. He was of the opinion that that was a good thing (there's nothing wrong with me, in otherwords it's a case of [everybody now] "It's Not You It's Me"), and while I can see how he might think that would provide comfort, it -really- doesn't. If it was that there was something about me he didn't like, then at least he'd be ending his relationship with me would -involve- me. I might as well be an abstract in this scenario, an anywoman:
R= G-F
where if G (the benefits of a girlfriend) minus F (fears of commitment and risk of children) is a negative number then R (which = Romance) is a no go.
Of course he didn't -say- any such thing to me, but he did tell me that I -did- factor in, but that I couldn't compensate for his nebulous fears (nebulous is my word, well not like I -own- it, you know what I mean).
There was only one saving grace to this whole debacle of a confrontation. As we were talking (and I was attempting to be reasonable) his eyes became overbright (you know like they do right before you cry), and that was what made it bearable. You see, no matter how cold and controlled he seemed, he -did- care, and that mattered more than all of the politic "I'm sorry"s that he uttered over the course of the conversation.
So, I suppose this means I'm single again.
Damnit.
posted by Amber at 7:19 PM
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