monkey chips!
| | well, today was uneventful. Looking for housing is stressful... but I can't stay where I am. I heard the violent fems on the way home from work, it made me really happy for some reason. Suddenly I was transported back into Katherine's car, flying down the freeway over 100mph headed for Hollywood, crappy speakers blasting, gagging on cigarette smoke, feeling dissasociated because of the allegry medication. I can't believe I am already glorifying my "teenage years", jesus you turn twenty and suddenly you become nostalgic. Realizing that junior high (really 13-16) were the best years of my life so far was enough to make me want to shoot myself.
Jacob's birthday is tomorrow... argh! I am not sure how much longer I can hold out, I feel like everyday I am going to cave and call him up. How dumb bitch is that? As if it weren't bad enough I stayed with him when he made me cry all the time. Even after we broke up, I took his shit for another two years. He is not a good friend, he makes me cry on purpose everything is always a grudge match. I am not even sure he is a good person sometimes, but no matter how many times I tell myself this, I still want to call him. I worry that Jenna (his current girlfriend) has the same Jacob sickness that I do ("the more you suffer the more it shows you really care. Right? yeah"), but I can't talk to her, I know she blames me. Goddamn he'll be 18, oh now I really am old.
Kevin hasn't emailed me back, which either confirms that his internet is down, or that he is an asshole, not sure yet, but it does confirm something I know this. Not sure why I bother, I guess I just want to go out, and as much fun/wonderful as Sterling is (and he is really a fantastic guy), he's so totally taken (practically married), so I just feel like a potential homewrecker going out on pseudo dates with him. Well.. its fucking hot I am going to take a bath and then maybe watch a movie.
posted by Amber at 5:53 PM
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2 comments
2 Comments:
heey, nobody else has replied so I thought I would.
Rock on, love you and your body
hello stranger(?) always nice to get a compliment (nervously looking over post to see if I have been too neurotic/honest for my own good)
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