| | | | | | Friday, September 30, 2005 |
How I spent my day off: or the adventures of an Ethnic Gormet
| | [voiceover] As I knelt naked next to my bathtub, with a can of Scrubbing Bubbles and a tub covered in small green leaves, I wondered how I got here.
[flashback] it all started earlier that day. It was my day off, and lunch time. I went to warm up my frozen meal of Ethnic Gormet's Palak Paneer. However, after the microwaved beeped, even though 75% percent of the meal was piping hot, the center was icy. I put it back in for more time. When it beeped again the whole meal was boiling. Now, I love Palak Paneer, you wouldn't think cheese cubes in spinach with rice would be a meal that would inspire deep feelings of love, but you'd be wrong. The way to enjoy this dish is to just eat it, and not think about what a cheese cube might be or appreciate its puke green color.
So, I sit down infront of my computer in my pajamas with my aromatic dish. I take a bite, mixing in the rice with the spinach, forcing myself to save the cheese cubes for last. I reach over to take a drink of my energy drink while I idly run over my plans for the day (first: eat food, second: do nothing). And then, I don't know what happened, but the thing wobbled on the edge of my desk. I over compensated in an effort to save my cheese cubes, and sent it flipping through the air. It hit my keyboard then bounced off hit my inner thigh, slipping down my seat, leaving a trail of BOILING spinach and cheese cubes on my desk. keyboard and inner thigh.
So of course I did the rational and calm thing...
I shot out of my chair, knocking the container of food off my seat, and onto my right knee where it stuck for a moment before falling with a thud food side down on both of my feet.
At this point, I started screaming.
Then I ran for my bathroom like a crazy human sized crab (bow legged because of the inner thigh pain, high stepping because of the feet, and hands waving because of the panic), mashing the spinach into my carpet. I make it to my bathroom and jump in the shower, after peeling off my shirt and underwear and knocking anything that stood in my path.
I turn on the water.
It's a boiling hot mist that manages to scald the rest of me without removing ANY of the spinach.
Now making watery shrieks, I turn off the shower, turn on the bathtub, turning the water all the way to cold.
Which gets me: water that was hotter than before.
Finally the water cools off and I spend a good minute or two trying to angle the burnt parts of my body under the faucet.
Which brings me back to the part where I naked and armed with Scrubbing Bubbles try to clean out the spinach from my bathtub. (I still have angry red marks, I'm hoping they don't scar, or I'm going to have to tell people how I got them)
posted by Amber at 9:26 PM
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Jarod
| | Oh man, I just watched the Pretender, namely the episode Gigolo Jarod... I don't think I've ever squealed so much... perhaps ever (squeal count 28 and three girly sighs). Watching this I remember the first time I saw it, and how much I wanted a Jarod (the ever sexy ex soap start Michael T. Weiss, one of 2 actors to make it into my junior high journals the other being Danny Nucci, and if you know who he is... I'll be damned surprised). This episode makes up for the episode in the first season where he loses his virginity to someone other than me (I was so mad... back when I was 12). Mind you, Jarod is no Yacko, but he is a close live action second.
sigh
posted by Amber at 12:47 AM
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| | | | | | Wednesday, September 28, 2005 |
grumble mumble
| | Man, today was LOOOONG. I got home at eleven pm, how's that for suckitude (sure, its a word). SO, I worked at SEARS from 11am-7pm, then I ran to barnes and nobles and oriented until nine pm, then I visited Frank got a free meal and then got home at eleven, then I took a bath... oh god, I have to be up at seven forty five tomorrow...
yes, this is suckitude.
HOWEVER, I will be working at Barnes and Nobles, I start next Thursday! Exciting! I have to read all sorts of magazines to keep up on my subject. I've never been -made- to read the New York Times Book Review... this is so cool. Did you know that there are three main types of book shelvings? Yeah, well, all of this and more I will learn, and with this knowledge I shall TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
Or, you know, open my own modest bookstore and try my damndest not to go broke.
PS is it wrong of me to like the Bloodhound Gang's new single (foxtrot uniform charlie kilo... man these guys are tasteful)? I think it might be, however I think these guys have such a handle on what it is to be 15... because I hear this and I -feel- fifteen, and the good part of fifteen. The newness of it all and the rampant innuendo (that was... for me anyway lacking any action. It's like yearning for cake and never having cake but good god man, it wasn't for lack of trying), instead of the can't drive or drink and have to live under the rule of parents.
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so pathetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush
put the you know what in the you know where
see, that said it so much better than -my- waxing poetic
posted by Amber at 12:23 AM
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| | | | | | Sunday, September 25, 2005 |
phone call
| | So, this evening I went to check my messages... and I found this:
[a very intoxicated Ed sounding sort of like Snagglepuss]
Amber. It is Ed, and I am (slur) drunk. But you are my friend, and I wish to call you, so that I can say to you, you are my confidant. And in a nonromantic way, I love you. Because you are like, like, like a sister to me. [garbled] No romantic intentions, because you have Frank, and that would be (laugh) silly. But if you do, it's okay for I have seen pictures of you, and you are very pretty but you are also very far away. I probably shouldn't have called. For I always tell my friends when I am smashed beyond repair [girl off phone "do you like this girl?] NO! She's like a sister to me, she's my confid...she's my Grand Vizier. Except instead of being a Grand Vizier who will overthrow and become King herself, she is a kind and loving Vizier. Amber, you are my friend, you are not my -best- friend that is Jose, and my second is Aaron, but third-you! [to girl off phone: no not you, you are far away too, and very nice] Amber, I can tell anything to. Amber, I always tell my friends when I am smashed beyond reason I will call you and say You are my friend. And I love you, as a sister, though. Because this is a message you might not even check, which is a sad thing, because at some point we will have a conversation, I don't know when though. I'm going to hang up now. Thank you for being my friend and I love you. So good bye.
Aw, Ed, you big softie.
(I will at the moment ignore the fact that this is the second time I have been referred to as someone's sister, because this was sweet)
posted by Amber at 9:59 PM
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| | | | | | Saturday, September 24, 2005 |
news
| | so, here's the news. I worked... all this week, my feet hurt. They hurt when I go to bed, they hurt when I wake up, they hurt especially during work. I hope this fixes itself or I might gnaw my feet off.
BUT B and N news... isn't good. I went to the interview, its minimum 15 hours a week (sucky!) at a dollar less an hour, and they have credit. Or rather they have a book club thing, which acts like credit and they are the number one book club card sellers in all of B and N... ever, everywhere.
So its a job I'd love with fanstic discounts but I may not be able to work enough to pay rent and I'll STILL have to convince people to buy shit they don't need.
DAMNIT
they'll let me know monday if I even can get the job.
posted by Amber at 12:40 AM
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| | | | | | Saturday, September 17, 2005 |
ILL
| | oh man, I feel sick, just sick. I had a great day at work today, I think I can really get the hang of this job.
BUT (and this is a big butt)... Barnes and Nobles called to interview me. I'll repeat that, in proper context, I who want nothing more than to own my own bookstore, just got offered an interview at Barnes and Nobles.
So, what the hell do I do? I'm going to go in for that interview tomorrow if I can. But if I get offered a job... I don't know what I could possibly do, you know? What if I don't get the hours, what if its only seasonal. What if its as good a job as the one I have now... I just got STARTED I feel like I am DITCHING everyone, everyone that I JUST met.
I am in a quandary.
posted by Amber at 6:23 PM
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| | | | | | Wednesday, September 14, 2005 |
and when we saaaaay ! a yippi oh i ay! we're sayin' you're doin' fine Oklahoma OK
| | GARGH!
The Episode of third rock from the sun entitled Frozen Dick, has a spontaneous musical number in it (Oklahoma!)... damnit! I want one!
Anyway, I talked to Sterling today, he made it home a couple days ago. I also have a way to contact him, so that will be nice (none of this junior high waiting for the phone to ring crap). I don't think he missed me, but you never can tell with guys on the phone. The VAST majority of guys I know are terrible on the phone, they always sound weirded out.
I had my first day on the floor at SEARS today. It went alright... this job requires a lot of standing. I have to stand at my cash wrap, and I can't lean against anything... and that is hard. But I think I can do this... credit I'm not so sure about... but the ringing up stuff, I can manage. Everyone is on to SEARS' credit shananigans, they ALL say I -have- a SEARS card but I do not want to use it today... because when they do that, I can't press it. Which makes it all easier.
I spoke Spanish a little today, I do alright, not great, I can express myself, but its in pidgin Spanish, I just know it. I worked with a VERY pregnant lady named Jessica who proceeded to talk the whole time... which is good in that it made the standing easier to bear, but weird in that... well she talked for three hours about her diet as it pretains to the baby. I do not have a baby, I have never been pregnant... I didn't have a lot to say.
Well I'm going to bed and sleeping in because I have tomorrow OFF!
Night!
posted by Amber at 2:21 AM
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| | | | | | Sunday, September 11, 2005 |
Masturbating On The Unholy Inverted Tracks Of The Grim & Frostbitten Necrobobsledders*
| | I believe that SEARS may be either in league with the dark one... or a brainwashing center... maybe both.
I spent three hours today with an animated plastic bag (done in crappy computer animation meets speed racer style) name Carry... he told me all about why I need to sell credit for SEARS. I am now full of scary facts about SEARS and the world of credit.
HOWEVER, I have no desire to talk about it...So instead I present you with this link I suggest you puruse their frostbitten necroworld. To not do so, would be very ungrim and gay.
That's all!
*track number one on side two of impaled northern moon forest's demo... I can't make shit like this up.
posted by Amber at 11:52 PM
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| | | | | | Saturday, September 10, 2005 |
silly
| | so first day of work, or rather first day of orientation, there is an 18 hour orientation I have to go through on the computer at work... it in a word sucks. I do however know a lot about SEARS credit... enough to scare me.
However, enough of that, I've had an amusing day. I've been let in on a military secret... one that is both awful and funny! I would share... but I might be killed.
Also I partially rewrote Balihi from South Pacific for Ed's siren song for food (especially pie)
Apple Pie I call you, every night, every day, come to me my little baked good, come this way, come this way.
(can't you see the hypnotized pieces of pie with legs being called down the hall? I can, oh I can.)
I am a silly.
Also I saw History of the World Part I again today... why can't I have a spontaneous musical number, God, is it so much to ask?
posted by Amber at 9:35 PM
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| | | | | | Friday, September 09, 2005 |
nothin
| | So it's not even eleven and I'm home for the evening... grumble. I went to Barnes and Nobles and read with Frank, because we're both broke. Today I had vegetarian enchiladas and a bagel. Soon I shall eat again, because I am really hungry.
I am 40% done with NQII (again) and have figured out where the statue is in my own personal maze (no really, I have). Tomorrow I go in for orientation, which I hope goes well. I also need to buy shoes (payless didn't have my size last time).
Yeah, okay clearly I don't have much to say... sorry!
PS am sending out thought waves to Sterling so that he'll call me (tomorrow I may have to bear down and call his house again).
posted by Amber at 10:55 PM
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| | | | | | Thursday, September 08, 2005 |
Hyde and nostalgia
| | I just need to stop watching That 70s Show, it is no good for me. I think I'm doing alright and then I just start getting ticked about Hyde and Donna (or rather... Hyde and JACKIE). Why is it that coming of age stories are the ones we all love? Why is it that the firsts are the most important? My first kiss was not good, my first love was wonderful, and then descended into awful, I won't talk about my first time (to perserve dignity), but it was not film standard. And all of this is okay, really, I like my life (mostly) and I remember most of the stories and enjoy them. Man, these last few years have been crazy (my c key is really being a bastard), I feel like a door slammed behind me somewhere. For the longest time I felt seventeen (from 17 until 20 really), and now I feel like my memories are being packed away somewhere. Like maybe a month ago I was talking with Sterling about making out in the backseat of a car (I've never done it, actually, I've made out lots of places, but never in the backseat), and he told me it was desperate. I realized I had forgotten how desperate making out really was. Everything was a struggle, a struggle for enough time (always had my ear out, Jacob wouldn't have noticed or cared if a brass band swept in... which reminds me of a funny story he told me, which I can't repeat), with what was an acceptable level of "intimacy", and with the mechanics themselves (when everything is urgent clothes cannot come undone fast enough). I don't have that anymore... I have my own apartment, with a door... that locks. How much more will I forget? Will I too get that distorted vision of highschool that the movies projects?
And if I do remember, can I pass it on to my kids, should I? (another conversation Sterling and I had) Is it my job as a parent to be lame? It doesn't matter right now, I am not a parent, but I wonder.
I miss talking to people, I bribed Frank with a drink so that he'd spend time with me today, and I hate doing that. I cannot wait for work to start, so I can DO something. And I MISS STERLING BADLY. I miss badminton, and swimming, and going out, and just sitting on my floor or bed (or his) for hours. I think I might be starting to get depressed... this is NOT good.
On that note, I'm heading to bed
posted by Amber at 2:37 AM
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| | | | | | Wednesday, September 07, 2005 |
ramble
| | I smell Jacob, and that is noteworthy because he lives in another state from me now. It's very weird, but I can smell him (and the CK-one, and his laundry detergent). I called him to make sure he was alright (and not, dead and haunting me), he's fine.
I passed my drug test (not so sucky this time, I was allowed to wash my hands and not patted down for bags 'o pee). So, orientation is this saturday. Man, something has happened to my keyboard, because now I am routinely not matched up to my home keys, making typing just short of ridiculous. The fact that the paint has worn off of my f,d,s,e,c,v,n,m, and l key may have something to do with it (and the fact my c key keeps getting stuck). This keyboard isn't even a year old... what the hell?!
So yeah, my life is pretty boring right now I have no money and not very many people to play with, so sigh.
I should go to bed and sleep, I am very tired.
posted by Amber at 1:56 AM
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| | | | | | Tuesday, September 06, 2005 |
filler
| | man, twice in the last seven days I've had a wave dream. Wave dreams are no good, no good at all. It doesn't take a analysist to realize that the giant waves of my dreams (the ones I cannot escape) are a sign I feel overstressed. However, I have nothing to be that stressed about. At least they're not teeth dreams, because those are AWFUL (and those mean I'm worried about school... which I guess means I'll never have them again!).
Anyway, it was a labor day, I did nothing... well I went to the library and bought food (and a spiffy skirt!). Alright boils and ghouls I'm heading to bed now.
Goodnight!
posted by Amber at 1:14 AM
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| | | | | | Monday, September 05, 2005 |
drag queen movies are awesome
| | Oh man I am so glad I am employed again. The whole no job thing made sleeping hard but left me with no energy. Speaking of accomplishments I finished Neoquest I... man that game sucked. Neoquest II had multiple characters a whole bunch o' different skills, you got gold for buying things and you had damaging potions. Neoquest I had one character five different sets of skills (your character is apparently some sort of fighter/mage/cleric), there is only experience, and all of your damage was either physical or magical... oh and there was no plot. HOWEVER it is done (no cool item I can sell for hundreds of thousands of neopoints either... sucky), I have the avatar, the trophy and the knowledge I don't have to play that stupid thing ANY more. I must admit though, that I might play Neoquest II again, I could really use that 800,000np about now. I could get the lab ray again, and then the petpet lab ray! oh that would be awesome. The petpet lab ray transforms your pet (however its only good while you have the petpet equipped, so people don't zap their [cheap] petpets to expensive things and then sell them for ridiculous amounts of np). Man, I'll have to consider this.
Oh other neopet news, they have a new plot, and its not just a war! Its a puzzle plot! (yay!) And there is a temple that sometimes turns your pets into piles of sand (temporarily).
Also, I called Sterling's house... he's not home yet. Which is reassuring on one hand, and sad/annoying on the other. I want to talk to him, damnit!
Oh well, hope everyone in internetland is having a good three day weekend!
PS I saw Flawless again tonight, I really really love Phillip Seymour Hoffman
posted by Amber at 12:18 AM
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| | | | | | Sunday, September 04, 2005 |
the Aristocrats
| | If you like off color humor, you MUST see this film. I will not tell you what it is about (except that it is the same joke for nearly two hours), however, it is INCREDIBLY funny. Also, I think its cool that I recognized over half the performers... I felt special.
Anyway, I was hired at SEARS as a cashier, so here's to that both not sucking and paying the rent!
That's all for me tonight, thank you and good night
posted by Amber at 12:06 AM
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| | | | | | Friday, September 02, 2005 |
dream
| | hrm... I had a strange dream last night. For some reason I went to my highschool, my mom was supposed to pick me up after class, but she was delayed. So I found my friend Nate and went home with him (called my mother, she was sleeping and pissed at me). We talked for a little bit, then HE got a phone call. And right infront of me he made plans to go skiing... in like ten minutes, like I didn't even exist. So I asked him what was wrong, and he started bringing out evidence as to why he didn't like me anymore. Two pairs of shorts he had with rips in them (he said I wore them and ripped them) however they were too small for me to have worn. More evidence came my way, which I also discounted. Then we made up, but he had to go skiing. It was strange. I don't -think- he has anything against me in real life, but I also don't think he was eager to rekindle what we had (that's alright, I guess). Anyhoo... that was kind of all
posted by Amber at 11:28 AM
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| | | | | | Thursday, September 01, 2005 |
my room is a mess
| | You know, my life can be really amusing.
Oh, do you want me to elaborate on that? I suppose I could, but instead I shall fill you in on the happenings of the last few days. I've been looking for a job. I have yet to find a job. I am wondering if starving to death is as bad as it sounds.
Tomorrow I comb another mall and apply everywhere I can. I really really really hope B and N calls me because I look damn qualified. Also, I want to work in a bookstore so I can own a bookstore. Infiltrate!
Other than that, not much. I love Frank, but I really really miss Sterling. Oh, not enough yet to call him (that would be silly), but enough to THINK about calling him. When it gets to sitting by the phone and compulsively checking my email, I'll call him. I'm sure he misses me, but I am not sure he's home yet.
I'm worried about Josh (Krasner first boyfriend).
Anyhow, I think I shall watch Hamlet!
PS as to why my life is amusing. Ed commented this:
Amber, darling, baby, sweety pie, honey muffin, porkpie hat, um... sesame noodle. You know you're the only woman for me. I just have to elimate all the obsticals preventing me from expressing my love. First on the list: most of the country is in the way.
... this'll take a while.
It really made me miss my friends (from junior high/ highschool).
posted by Amber at 9:25 PM
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