If you'll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal (what's my name again?)
| | Ah, good days off. Well, except for yesterday when I worked, so that wasn't really a day off, in fact it was a day -on-. Anyway, I've been really having a good time the last few days. I did a whole lot of nothing Tuesday, which is always nice. Yesterday I worked, but only from 7-12pm, meaning I got to wave to all the people on 'til 3:30 as I waltzed out the door. As the previous post implies, Logan came over last night after he got off work. I made dinner and managed to only burn the rice a little (whoo!). We played games, he beat me up at the board games (he picked -strategy-, I'm -so- bad at those. And, I get really quiet while playing them, so it's not the most lively of gaming experiences). I should mention he beat me at Egyptian Rat Screw (actually a week ago, and yesterday), and if you know anything about me, you know I was undefeated for five years, so it's kind of a big deal. I saw Equilibrium, which I had heard a lot about. It was pretty interesting, a good mix of sci-fi and action, that wasn't self important (some movies that are about the Future hit the Moral pretty hard). We also watched Boston Legal on dvd, which I had never seen. I really liked it, I found the characters compelling (you'd need to, it's a character driven drama). I -love- James Spader. -So- hot. I mean, I've liked him since Pretty In Pink (I think his character is named Steph, don't hold me to that), and then, oh then, in sex,lies and videotape [fans self]. Also, in Secretary (an s/m love story... seriously, it's a love story, like a -touching- one). His character in this show is fun, too.
I really have a wonderful time with Logan. I am a little amazed at myself, usually the whole leave it loose thing drives me batshit. I mean, usually I'm plagued by insecurities: are we exclusive, is he my boyfriend (how do adults even make that transition?), how -exactly- does he feel about me, am I being too assertive, what kind of a Future do we have. With any guy I'm interested in (in cases of reciprocity) I'm -plagued- by these things, and -many- more. Which results in such sexy/romantic instances as me shouting at Jacob "What the Hell -are- we? You call me back when you make up your goddamned mind!" I say -usually- here for a reason. Let me tell you -exactly- and completely whats on my mind right now when it comes to Logan:
"That was fun, I wonder when we'll do it again."
That's -it-. And that... is fucking amazing. Rest assured, Internet, I am not -cured- of my neurotic behavior, my neuroses have not left the building entirely. It's just right now, I'm pretty content.
And, speaking of feeling content and being amazing. I just got my grades in for the semester.
G.P.A. 3.9, baby. I suppose this is incontrovertible proof that I -belong- here, and am not some crazy impostor waiting for her scholastic inability to be exposed to the academic community at large (yes, that was an actual fear I had and yes I -am- delusional in some ways. But I'm getting -better-!). I would celebrate, but I spent all last night celebrating, so I think I'll just feel quietly proud.
[beams]
posted by Amber at 3:34 PM
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party over here!
| | Whoo! I had company tonight (logan) and we played cards and board games and watched movies.
It was awesome.
Goodnight, y'all (or is it ya'll? no idea how this vernacular works)
(may have had too much to drink, only time will tell)
posted by Amber at 2:46 AM
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Neoquest II InSaNe (pretend to be interested)
| | Why doesn't anyone stop me before I do idiotic things, like commit myself to Neoquest II, on the hardest difficulty?
I beat it on Evil twice, and both times were a misery, and this is MUCH harder. I can't die, if I die, I have to start the WHOLE GAME OVER. I can never level up enough for this game, instead spending some time leveling up then heading through an area to somewhere else, then leveling up again. I spend ALL my time battling inconsequential guys, guys that barely give me any experience points, just to -survive-. I'm hoping once I pick up the second character it goes a little easier (but Mipsy is such a friggin -wuss- at the beginning).
But if I win (er, when, when I win) oh, what a reward. 50k in np, and then an item. Staff of righteous fury 400k, sword of the apocalypse 1.25 mil, and the bow of destiny and the wand of reality go for -4 MILLION- np. That's pretty sweet. You only get the prize once, my luck I'll get the staff, but whatever, that's 40ok and I've only got 1.4mill in the bank right now (which is the most I've ever had at one time). This is a good deal, you know, if I don't die of boredom (or my hand falling off from clicking) first.
Sigh, I agreed to a morning shift tomorrow (would bring me up to 36 hours this week, and with holiday pay that's like 40, so -that's- alright). So I should sleep.
posted by Amber at 12:26 AM
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day and night, why is it so, that this longing for you follows wherever I go?
| | So, somebody threw a knife at a customer today. Kind of exciting, only kinda because 1. he missed and 2. it was a pocket knife (not the scariest of weapons).
While I love purchasing albums (and I may be the only person under the age of 45 who calls them that), and the whole album experience (listening to how they're arranged, playing them over and over again). There's something really wonderful to be said about downloading random songs. An album is a commitment, you make a -statement- (well, it seems I do). At seventeen bucks a pop, you have to be -sure- you want it. It's like a marriage. But a one song deal, well that, that's like a fling. And man, I've been -such- a slut lately with music. Right now I'm rockin' out to my man Otis (not -my- man, Duckie's man Otis), next it's Ella with Night and Day (stop laughing, I like some old standards, and I can -dance- to these you only wish you could). Paul Simon, Mystikal, Frankie Valli, Bjork, Edith Piaf all live together in my musical world. Desi Arnez and Jaco Pastorius, Snoop Dogg and Shostakovitch are neighbors. Lata called my music delightfully eclectic. With the exception of Paul Simon (I have my parent's tape of Graceland, but my tape players broke years ago) I don't own any cd's by these artists. I'd -like- to, but of course I don't have that kind of money.
Oh man, I wish I had money (and a free schedule) to take ballroom dancing classes again. I love the gliding about the floor. I remember when I went to that dance hall with Jacob... oh ages ago now, I suppose. And there was a live band, and the lights were dim and it was elegant and beautiful, of course we were the youngest people there by twenty five years, but still. I suppose it's my desire for a little glamor.
It's all part of the same thing, I think. Imagination versus real life. Real life has the benefit of being, well, real. It happened (happens and all of the tenses in between), and other people remember it, too. But my -imagination-, oh there is beauty. So many fantastic (the other meaning of the word, not the colloquial) things happen in my imagination. The world is such a much more interesting place, in my head. Absurdist at times, nearly -always- cinematic, NEVER boring. Reality lacks smoking gnomes, it's true. It also lacks grand conspiracies over trivialities. There is a shocking lack of maniacal evildoers who scheme to... make chip bags hard to open, or make it so the scanners at my work make a beep that no one knows what the hell it does. ['Meep meep' means clearance, 'deedle deedle deedle' means send the book back to the vendor, 'deedle deedle deedle deedle deedle' means its a strict on sale don't put it on the floor, 'EEEP EEEP' means hey idiot the battery is low, a random 'brrp' means either you hit a key wrong -or- the machine is going to freeze up -then- crash. But what is 'meep meep meep'? What does that third meep MEAN? Something? nothing? Is perhaps the WORLD ENDING? Or, is someone having a good laugh at us? Some rich executive type laughing at night on his yacht entertaining women with how ingenuous he is. "Shometimes," (he says, drunkenly) "sometimes, I just make shit up. I mean seriously, I had them program the scanners to make a random beep sound on some books.. FOR NO REASON, jhust to jshust to fuck wi' 'em. All those little booksellers, they're like, like, tiny things, bugs, you know the guys who ruin picnics. Antsh! They're like antsh, runnin' around not knowing what it does!" and the women laugh uproariously at him (light glinting off their diamonds), because he's so powerful... I hate him. I -hate- this imaginary man. ...wow, this aside got out of hand]
What in the hell was I talking about? Oh, right. See, that would be another example of things don't -really- happen. There are advantages to reality, it means that when my ceiling leaked and the paint bulged in a creepy manner, I know that it really -wasn't- alien/monster babies in an egg sack, just foul smelling water. That's good. But it means that Ewan MacGreggor will never appear out my window singing at top volume that he and I should be lovers, or that one day, I'll be minding my own business and the person next to me will stand up, hands on hips and say "OOOOOOOOOOKLAHOMA when the wind comes sweepin' down the plain!" (oh man, if they did that, I'd so be able to come back with the second verse) Or that you know, if I just -tried- hard enough I could shoot fireballs out of my hands.
I ask you, is it worth it, after all? This reality thing?
Man... I should probably go to bed, my brain is wandering.
I love it how when things were going on, I had nothing to say, and now that essentially nothing is going on, I can't seem to -shut up-.
posted by Amber at 1:24 AM
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I, too, wish for extra height and that I were better at sports
| | argh, can't sleep.
Would very much like to sleep, to slip into sleep like gliding into cool water. But no, am up, my brain is churning. Work has been... work. I've been suffering from terrible headaches, and that hasn't helped my attitude (tonight -dragged- on and on). The -good- news is that tomorrow (today) my wage goes up to .19/min. Holiday pay, baby! (whoo)
I filed my taxes (late, but whatever), and... I owed ten dollars. Sort of annoying, was hoping for money back because I am a poor lady, but no, apparently my good relative Sam wants it all and -then- some. I had this crazy idea he was going to say, no please, I took too much have a little back. I do not think he is my favorite uncle.
It's broke week here, and I hate broke week. It means a lot of drinking water, and pretending that it's satisfying (luckily I bought club soda, because I miss the bubbles. I crave bubbles, actually, more so than the sweet). When I get money, oh, what larks I'll have then. What larks.
Luckily I have only one more day of work this week, and then three days off (and I have -plans- for Wednesday, so -that's- alright, then).
Michael Yoho is coming... soonish, too! I don't know what all we'll do. I think we had planned to go to the city (San Francisco, of course the -only- city) and maybe the beach... ah who knows. Am too tired (but can't -sleep- damnit) to think about all that now. It will be fun, or else! (manic laughter)
Wow, my brain is scattered today, tonight, whatever. Its the dissociative from the tiredness, I think. Causes me to think in half thoughts and exacerbates my ramble. For example I really enjoy this Tribute to Joni Mitchell cd that we play in my store. Jeff is right for all of the crap that we play, there is that one cd in like twenty or thirty that is enjoyable, if not perhaps 'good' and that makes it all the worse, because you have -hope-. You hear that cd and think, ah, forty-five minutes or so of music that does not suck, making the rest of your eight hour shift just misery whilst waiting for the cd to come around again. I like this Joni Mitchell tribute cd, but I don't really like Joni Mitchell. Last month we played Backspin, which had some fun mixes (have a great vibraphone version of Julia by the Beatles that makes me happy, also techno mix of Spirits in the Material World), the month before was categorically awful I think. But for every Joni Mitchell tribute cd, there are like 10 awful cds, and at -least- one cd a month that you hate, with a passion you didn't know you could posess. This month's awful cd is the Pupini Sister's. a quasi Andrews sisters doowop sans the soul. Also they doowopped up Heart of Glass by Blondie and I Will Surivive by Gloria Gaynor. Which is -wrong-, just plain wrong. I almost bartered away what was left of my virtue to Joe in music to get him to change the cd last time they played it. Luckily he settled for me covering music while he went to the bathroom (which is good, for many reasons). Tomas and I have an alliance against that cd, and I have cried to Penelope to get it taken -out- of the mix (only she and the managers have that power). Luckily it doesn't sell well, or she'd play it ALL THE TIME (see: Bruce Springsteen doing American Folk songs, that hell went on for TWO MONTHS. That's two whole goddamn months listening about john henry, I almost lost my goddamned mind).
Wow, okay, I need a day off.
Going to try and sleep again.
PS. I wonder if anyone got my garbled title reference... sometimes I tell jokes just for myself
posted by Amber at 3:35 AM
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| | Oy, am quarreling with Ed.
I will spare you the details, because of privacy and all, but the end result is that we're on a break. I can't recall the last time we have been on -break-, I'm thinking it's been over a year. This break may be a good thing, a needed thing. But it is odd, that's for sure.
Man, I miss Sterling, mostly I miss sharing the details of my life with him, and he reciprocating. I miss our talks, we could talk about everything and nothing for hours and hours. I want to tell him about how school went and about Logan, and about what's going on with my family (the continuing saga of how they're crazy). Looking at his little chart he should be at Agua Dulce right now (somewhere south of Lancaster, CA). Man, I can't believe he's only been gone a month and a bit, it feels like an -age-, so much has happened.
Alright I'm going to work...soon
posted by Amber at 2:24 PM
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vacation
| | Oh, wow, I've been having a lovely vacation. I finished all my laundry, and straightened my house (although not really -cleaned-. It's down to 'needs to be picked up' which beats the -smuck- out of 'total and utter disaster'; baby steps). Logan came over last night, and we had fun going out to eat, and then watching movies. Today we hung around and went to the railroad museum. I attended class in the railroad library for a semester, but had never actually been -in- the museum. And... damn, trains are -huge-, like if they ever came alive, they'd Eat Us All.
I really like Logan, he's a lot of fun and easy to talk to, oh and handsome, he's that, too (he's got really amazing eyes). Oh, hey, internet, why don't I tell you about him, say in detail. He is, as I said, 19 (and sadly not Wolverine), lives not too far away (not especially close either) works for the state while going to city college (where he hopes to do something that will not -define- him, which is probably healthy). He's quite the geek with different geek emphases than some of the other geeks I know, which is nice, you know, to mix it up. Batman, Star Trek: Next Generation, computer games (RTS, which I just learned what that stands for, shows how much I play), anime, ren-fairs (to attend not to be in). I wish he were older, not because there's anything wrong with him the way he is, but I was sort of hoping to date a man who already knew what he wanted from life and was -doing- it. But you know, I'm -always- looking towards the Future, and I don't really want to do that right now. I enjoy his company, he seems to enjoy mine, and that's good enough. In fact, that's pretty damn good.
posted by Amber at 8:28 PM
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WHOOOOOOOO
| | I'm done!
My first semester in graduate school is -over-!
Do I feel any older/wiser? No, not really. I did learn how to balance my class load better (as in Never Again), and I did learn skills that could help me with a Job and you know The Rest of My Life.
And I'll take some time to think on that, honest.
But right now all I can think is that I slept maybe four hours total yesterday, then worked until 1:30am, then wrote 16 pages in 6.5 hours, then dropped off my paper (-eight- hours early) and am now here.
Exhausted
but fuckin' thrilled.
posted by Amber at 9:29 AM
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I really -should- be worried
| | -Well-
I have a bigass project due tomorrow before work, which I've written all of two paragraphs for (just need to type it up, can't seem to find the desire/panic in me to finish it just yet). Tonight is Inventory night at my work, meaning I'll at work until 1:30am. Then after I turn in this project I've got to go -back- to work at three thirty pm tomorrow. So I really should be stressed, but I'm -not-, life is pretty good.
So, yesterday after I posted, I went to class. I did really well on my last project. Afterwards I got invited out to a bar with my classmates, which was really fun. It's kind of fun to be the baby, also fun to talk to people who work in this field. We're all pretty into history (big surprise), and that's fun. Tristan bought my first drink, and Shannon my second, which was -really- nice, because I'm pretty broke.
I went out with Lata, we had a good time. It was nice to see her and get out. We went to Empire, and it was very very loud, but a good time.
I've been sick and my throat has been tricky anyway, but after two nights of shouting out in public it was -gone- yesterday. I went to work, and then after work Logan came over. We saw Lucky Number Slevin and had drinks (he had one very very stiff drink that I ended up helping with), and basically just hung out all night. He left around seven this morning (his sister's graduation is today). I tried to sleep for a while, and now, here I am.
posted by Amber at 3:20 PM
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I'm... not Gil Harr
| | Hello Internet.
I got caught in a loop, first I was really busy (still am, mind you, still am) and I thought 'right, must get on that blogging.' Then, after it slowed down a little I thought 'man, I've really got nothing interesting to say.' Then I started feeling I couldn't write unless it was something significant.
So, here's what I've been up to.
Since I've been back, I've started internet dating, I met a guy who seems very nice (young, 19, but whatever). His name is Logan and he's not Wolverine, but he makes up for it (by being a fun conversationalist and picking up the check at dinner). We went dancing for our first date last friday, and it was fun. He came over Tuesday, and -that- was fun.
On to the not fun things. Spent last week in serious gut wrenching, can't eat/can't sleep panic. You see, the Projects are Due. Friday I had... essentially nothing written on my 12 page paper that was due Tuesday. Saturday, I wrote 2.5 pages. Sunday, by the time I went to bed, I had written 4 pages. Monday day I went to a museum for another class. Monday night when I crawled into bed I had 5.5 pages and an incredible fever. I woke up early tuesday and got it to 9.5 pages by noon, then I did research for the same other project, got onto campus at three thirty and got about 1/4 of the way onto page 12 by 5:30, printed it out, and then dropped it off a whole 8 minutes early.
The paper was... alright, nothing -amazing- but not bad. The process was... sucky.
So, now I'm writing this instead of typing up the last of this project for a class at six. I'm still feeling really sickish, but I'm going to work tomorrow, because they need me.
Tomorrow, after work, Lata is coming over and we're playing the whole day/evening.
Then Saturday I start writing up the big project due monday.
So, yeah, that's what I've been up to.
posted by Amber at 3:51 PM
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mwaha, Mwahahaha, MWAHAHAHAHA
| | After a YEAR of spotty internet, when I thought I'd never see continuous internet connection again..
I HAVE RETURNED!
[crickets]
Damnit, where's a good lightning storm when you -need- one?
posted by Amber at 4:05 AM
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