In which we are perhaps Too Clever By Half
| | one of the sillier bits of my day (which was relaxing by the way):
"I love you, Edward"
"I love you too, Archduke Franz Ferdinand."
"...."
"I mean, Amber."
"Yeah, because I don't know how to tell you this,but the arch duke, he dead."
"H-WHAAAAAA?"
"yeah, he died... oh man almost a hundred years ago"
"Jeez. Don't know how I missed that."
"I don't know -either-. Didn't you realize he wasn't answering your letters?"
"Well, I mean, I assumed he was busy... you know... archdukin'."
"Yeah, no, he's really really dead. They even fought a war over his death (nominally)
"Really? Are you sure the war wasn't over a combination of longstanding grudges and a spirit of expansionism compounded by an excessive and confusing array of alliances?"
"Hell you say? A bloody large scale conflict caused by European Imperialism and fueled by the idealism of the Industrial Revolution? No, no no, that is wrong. Archduke Ferdinand was assassinated by the Black Hand and THAT and THAT ALONE was what caused the Great War. The War to End All Wars.... except for the one that happened twenty years later."
"Phew! Glad that was cleared up! And remember, the second world war was All Hitler's Fault. Entirely.
"Hitler was Evil... and we were fighting the Japanese because they liked Hitler. It has NOTHING TO DO with Japanese Colonialism which started in 1895 with the annexation of Taiwan. They were Hitler lovers so they had to go."
"Right. Shame about that Hitler. If his twin brother were saved as an infant, or if he had made it into art college, or whatever, then that power vacuum would have annihilated itself and Germany would exist contentedly as the Bitch of Europe."
"Of course! to say anything else would require both the Rest of Europe to admit that perhaps
making Germany take the sole restitution burden was a BAD idea.
"Which it wasn't, because it was All Germany's Fault."
"Austria Hungary? oh please! the Ottoman Empire? Who the fuck cares (not like they're even civilized)? Bulgaria, an innocent bystander"
"Right. I, mean, who's even heard of any of those places? I can't even FIND this "Ottoman Empire" on my map! Are you just making them up?"
"No no no, the Ottoman Empire, the people who make those little chairs to prop up your feet."
"Oh, I like those! It's like the best part of a chair and a bed! Hell, those people wouldn't go to war. No one THAT comfy would be an aggressor."
"So, All Germany's Fault and really All Hitler's Fault. And to make sure we remember this, let's make a MILLION MOVIES depicting this very simple black and white storyline."
"Oh! Oh! Can we also make twenty thousand identical first-person shooters with slightly different titles that all begin with D-Day, which we all recognise as the day America decided to get involved and fix everything for everyone forever?"
"Yes!"
...
"...sometimes Ed I think people actually think and talk like this."
"It's a scary world, Amberella."
"It is! And it's scarier to think that you and I talk the most continual nonsense of most people I know, and yet, we make the -most- sense."
"Well, to be fair, we are awesome."
posted by Amber at 12:50 AM
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