today
| | Sigh, you know I expected to spend the day in bliss because I am back with Frank, the man I love. Instead I have spent it in trepidation. I feel heavier, because now he is out of state... and suddenly its not my friend is out of state, its my boyfriend. This year is going to be hard hard hard, I wish we had just had some time to cement our new relationship before he moved away, now I feel on rocky ground and I don't get to see him... for a while I guess. He is freaked out about school and life in Reno, and he's lonely and insecure and nothing seems to be going his way. He gets on a negative spin, and I know I do this too (in fact much worse than he does), but argh it makes me feel so helpless.. I just feel so unable to help him. I say things are going to get better you're starting anew, this is hard, and he shoots back with yeah, with an old girlfriend. I mean, what the hell does he mean by that? Nevermind that he didn't even ask about my day... I mean, I know he had a rough day (no money, not registered in school because of bullshit reasons, orientation tomorrow, ruined his poster, the public library in Sparks is a bitch.... Etc). Sigh, this doesn't feel good, it really doesn't I am insecure about our relationship, he is insecure about twenty million things... none of which I can solve. I got irked and told him to drink himself blind since he insisted upon being negative... yeah the conversation deteriorated... first day back already a fight. So much for a second honeymoon period. Must work on my patience and my breathing... Must start chanting "I love him, we can do this, I love him, we can do this" until I reach serenity. Well I better go breathe some... then crash I haven't slept well in.... oh god since june sometime. 5 work days left, I can do this.
posted by Amber at 8:24 PM
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