| | I got a lot done today. I paid my tuition installment, I found out I am on track to graduate this year and I got an inhaler from the pharmacy (I've been out for days and have been playing the 'will my asthma get better or will I have to drive myself to the hospital' game). Frank showed up! He's in town for a wedding tomorrow (the one I wasn't invited to, sniff!), so he stopped here. We had dinner (taqueria, it was okay, their enchilada sauce had tomatos in it, which is a huge no no in my book), and then hung out here.
Oh, I found out what Sterling is doing for his birthday, apparently people are going out for an early dinner and then getting drunk (he is turning 21). By people, I mean him, Paul, Josh and Irene (who can make it now, although before she had an engagement). I don't know, I mean, I really really really like Sterling, I can't stand Josh and Paul, and things are so intensly awkward with Irene, its making me have second thoughts. I mean, of course I am going, but now instead of the feelings of happiness I've had all week, I am getting feelings of trepidation. I feel intensly like a fifth wheel. I mean, hanging out with a drunk paul and josh doesn't sound like fun to begin with, but my first thoughts were well I can spend the evening talking with Sterling if they are too obnoxious, but now, he has his girlfriend there, so it would be me talking with the two of them, which has a long history of not going well (not badly, just stilted, and me always thinking, 'damn, I should go.'). Plus, he's been really really busy this last week, which of course is no fault of his own and I am sure he hasn't meant to ignore me, but you know, he's kind of my only friend here I talk to on a regular basis (since the move I have seen Lata twice). So, when he's busy, I feel really closed out. (I've been talking to Nick and Frank, so its not like I don't have anyone other than Sterling, but if I had a more robust social life I wouldn't miss one person so much) I know that our friendship doesn't mean as much to him as it does to me (or at least I guess, because he is so hard to read), so I feel really clingy talking like this. So, yeah, I don't have much of a moral leg to stand on here, and I apologize for that, but still, I feel pretty sad and none of it is Sterling's fault, really, it just has to do with him (if you can follow that emotional leap). Of course, I will allow none of this to interfere with his birthday, because that would be wrong of me to fill up a day about Sterling with my dramatic bullshit. So, my plan is, hope for the best, show up at his house with my gift, and be my most charming to everyone (oh and have a good time, or at least try to).
Yeah, okay, enough of this mayonaise, I'm going to bed.
posted by Amber at 1:08 AM
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