where has the righteous anger gone?
| | first off I'm not in trouble, things are all cleared up. So yay!
Secondly, Stupid Ed in his insightful and not at all stupid way, has managed to shame me. Robbie Wall, whom I blamed all of two three entries ago, I'm sorry. Clearly, you with the sexuality confusion issues had a bigger issues than me with the publically humiliating myself over you. Mine was just public is all. In fact... you had the best excuse of all for turning me down of all the men who have turned me down. Which... now makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with the rest of you! Hah! my teenage anger is back!
Actually not really... Man, I can't seem to fill myself with the totally self righteous anger anymore, I remember totally doing that in highschool. Just like its so much harder for me to make sweeping generalizations anymore like "authority figures suck" or "I hate work" without immediatly thinking and often saying "but we need authority figures if we are to coexist as a people, and even though power corrupts, it doesn't corrupt everyone equally. And often people try to be good, they can't help sucking" and "I don't really hate all work, in fact I was raised to be hardworking and I value it. I just hate repetitive tasks which don't intellectually stimulate me." (Jacob's literalism had a hand in that).
I can't even get too worked up about all of this... oy, I'm old.
Well, I'm in Reno, I'm going to settle my move in stuff with the management tomorrow, then head back to the valley to work. I get to work TRUCK! Blues Clues I'm so excited! Sterling is spending this weekend saying goodbye to Irene (heading off to Peru for a month), I hope that is going well (and by "well" I mean plenty of closed doors moments, because I know he's very happy with her, so in that case I want their relationship to go well). SO, yeah, I'm just chillin' right now, Frank is visiting his neighbor Jeff's place. I think I'll just watch the Pretender on DVD!
Today, will be a good day... or else!
posted by Amber at 11:56 AM
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trouble
| | Man, I'm in trouble with Frank. And, I totally deserve it, but still I HATE being in trouble. And yes, voice in my head who sounds suspiciously like my mother, if I really don't want to BE in trouble it IS a good idea to not doing things that would get me in trouble.
Hrm... I think I might be a tad selfdestructive, I should really work on that.
Oh, I'm heading back to Reno, like... now, to finalize my apartment dealie.
Later!
posted by Amber at 5:56 PM
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in which our heroine does a whole lot 'o nothin'
| | well today was also a day, but not as interesting as the last. Mostly I was just out of it all day (from the whole not sleeping much thing). My bites hurt. Wampir exboyfriend.
Yeah, so I'm home now, and I saw Encino Man, and then remembered...
El queso esta viejo y podrido
this phrase has been a part of my life for so long that I forgot it had a source. It was fun to watch Brendan Fraser play the idiot in this movie, and Pauly Shore to have top billing, whereas now Brendan Fraser gets semi-serious roles, and Pauly Shore had to fund his own movie (Pauly Shore is Dead).
Now that I've had my fill temporarily of the Wieze, I think I can go to bed.
Night!
posted by Amber at 2:10 AM
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so yeah, I had a DAY today
| | Goddamnit, I just lost a post.
Eitherhow, to continue what I wrote before.
I bet you're wondering what I am doing up so early, and to be honest so am I. What the hell, man! I truly intended to hang out with Calen for a few hours, that quickly turned into seven. We had coffee, then dinner, then we went and had wine in our old highschool (which looks only passingly like the school we attended). It was fun, really, a lot of fun. I sort of threw myself at him (not really) and nothing happened other than conversation (a waste of company lingerie, I am sure).
INTERESTING THINGS I LEARNED: Robbie Wall is gay, or as it was clumsily put to me, he is probably bi, listing towards gay, because women are a big hassle. WHY DIDN"T SOMEONE TELL ME EARLIER?! I wouldn't have made such a fool over him in 10th grade.
Then afterwards I showed up at Jacobs (I swear his place has become the "end up" for me), I finished off the wine... and found out (what I probably should have known intuitively) that there is MORE than a glass per bottle... whoops. Actually I really do feel bad, because when I stop breathing I always feel that I am an imposition on others, and I never really INTEND to stop breathing. But, he was a sport about it (I think), and we talked, mostly sappy talk, but that's okay, right? I threw myself at him (a little more forcefully) and was VERY politely and in a friendly manner turned down. Which is good, because I really didn't need to go down THAT road again (and I bet neither did Frank). I don't think I was that sincere about it anyways, just kind of felt like the thing to do (I guess I was into being shot down, all I needed was Sterling to make it a trio of turndowns...). Luckily he was extraordinarily nice about the whole thing, and we had good conversation (that DIDN'T end up in either of us ticked at one another), but he did bite me (I am sure I deserved it, but I don't want to explain the marks to my mother tomorrow). Anyway, i have NO idea where our friendship stands, probably its completely in the past... but whatever. Anyway, I finally continued breathing and being awake at like four 15 so I came home. Here I am, exhausted, and a little sore in the cheek (face cheek, from the biting) and the pride.
I personally am going to blame Robbie Wall for all of this. Instead of taking responsibility of my... almost, but not quite scandalous behavior (definently a tease) I am going to blame this on a as good as gay guy who didn't like me at all when I was 15, and didn't just tell me so (instead, let me pursue him relentlessly for MONTHS in a most pathetic fashion). So NUH Robbie!
PS I found an explanation of how light is both a particle and a wave today... and then I found a completley different explanation.
CALEN: if you read this, once a particle going at the speed of light collides with something else, it deaccelerates (because of entropy) meaning it is no longer at the speed of light anymore, which means it CANNOT make every possible wave pattern with "canvas" it can make ONE and then it loses the requirements to stop time (as the particle knows it).
posted by Amber at 4:58 AM
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going to the Bay Area!
| | What am I doing today?
Well I'm not seeing Frank, which is saddening (and... I really didn't take that information well. Sorry!)
BUT I AM seeing Calen. So I am now freshly washed and dressed and primped, and per agreement am wearing plain underwear (really, that was sort of the agreement, why would I make that up?). I'm really excited! I have an opportunity to dazzle him with wit,enjoy his wit and company, and make him realize he totally shouldn't have turned me down at 15! Well... okay that last one really isn't on the agenda, its a kind of bonus!
Sometimes people think that because I can remember how I felt when I was a certain age, that I haven't let that age go (I swear I'm over John Paul Thyken not liking me, or having Josh write me telling me that I wasn't sexually attractive, really!). I just have a good memory, is all.
And this will be fun, because I'm sure having years to adjust to the fact that he's handsome, he will have learned to handle this with grace (instead of the slightly obnoxious he was senior year... although I am sure I was more than my share of obnoxious myself, not about the beauty thing, just obnoxious). Grumbly, he doesn't even owe me a dance anymore (he paid up junior year)... so much for trading that in for sexual favors. I guess I'll just be no sex Piona.
I can live with that (for today)
Later!
posted by Amber at 2:27 PM
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Another day in Reno
| | So, I'm in Reno, although not for much longer. I have to work at two thirty pm today, so I'm going to drive back around tenish.
Its been fun. The place I really liked and came to see if it was still available... wasn't. Frank and I looked all over Reno and its surrounding areas, and the places that were "afforable" weren't and the places that -were- were not good. SO, I may be living in Frank's complex (in fact... odds are pretty damn good that this will be so). I'm glad that I have an afforable place available, true its out of most of the town, but it has 1.5 rooms (beats the expensive studios I looked at), is plenty spacious and apparently the management isn't too bad. Frank and I orignally decided his complex was out because we wanted to establish separate spaces, but I guess we can learn to do that here. I hope it isn't like the dorms, because that wasn't a very healthy time in our relationship (actually the healthiest has been this year, when we were 150mi apart). I'm actually pretty worried about it (excited too, mind you, but also worried).
So, Thursday I'm heading to the Bay Area. Calen, if you're reading this, can we meet up in the afternoon/evening, sometime (I guess I could break down and call him [you], but he [you] is [are] most likely sleeping). Anyway, that should be interesting haven't seen him since... oh man, I ran into him in the square, with Jacob... or maybe it was outside of Starbucks in Clayton. I can't recall which was the more recent. Here's to the likelyhood of good conversation (and nothing horrendously awkward... I believe, having just woken up, I was less than my wittiest on the phone last week).
Night everyone, I have to be out the door in... around eight hours.
posted by Amber at 1:39 AM
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who went dancing? oh yeah, it was ME!
| | Yeah, so today I went to 815 L... and it was really cool actually. Although the people at the door gave me shit for my ID, like serious shit. I was quizzed on everything on it (including my signature... which is a laugh if you have ever SEEN my signature), he finally went and scanned it in the back, then when it came up clean told me to get a new picture (hah! like I am spending $25 to get a new license for that! I'm going to have to get a new one in Nevada anyway). But whatever, they let me in. They had two floors (well three actually, but I only went to two). And the second floor, oh the second floor was just techno. It was awesome. There was no one on the floor (it was a small floor), but after Sterling had a little liquid courage (3.50 for a beer... a regular beer!) we got out there. There were maybe 15 people watching us, dance all by ourselves. It was actually pretty cool, we had lots of space. Finally people came on the floor, making me the ONLY white girl there... kinda weird, but fun. Then the music turned house, so we went downstairs. Danced a bit to hip/hop then went back upstairs danced to techno (everyone had left again). Then the DJ's record broke... and we left (he put on hiphop).
Total time in club 1.5 hours. (meaning it cost me like 6.66 an hour)
Sadly my feet hurt a lot from work so we just headed home, had some free water, talked and then Sterling went home. I would really like to head to Reno tonight, but Frank isn't home, and I would want to check with him first.
so I'll wait like another 1/2 hour, then if he isn't home, I'll go to sleep.
posted by Amber at 1:10 AM
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where Amber whines/complains a lot
| | sigh. Work was hellish today. See, we're having a presale (yes, a sale to signify the begining of a sale, it's retail, we don't have to make sense, just money), a pre BACK TO SCHOOL sale. I work in children's... it was a bad bad day. The girl before me scampered off, and I was alone, with a trashed department no help and a gazillion gobacks. Oh, and they had me cover mens, too. Unhappy Amber, really unhappy Amber. I got yelled at by my manager (Z, who knows what her real name is), because while I was standing literally infront of the cash register for 2 hours, I was unable to check the fitting rooms or fix our horrendous tables. Grr...grrr. I almost took a lady's head off for messing up the clearance table I had just fixed. I didn't get to do a sinngle clearance rack and they didn't play music afterwards, it was grim. I didn't get a first break (but I had a nice half an hour lunch, I wish I got to work more with Daniel from shoes he's really nice) and my second break (which Daniel VERY nicely granted me) was spent in the lounge listening about the sex life of the skeevy people of the local highschool. Ew. I only listened for 5 minutes, then I walked out. I ended up only getting 9 minutes of a break.
My feet hurt so goddamned bad, by the end up of the night I was looking for reasons to stand on my knees. My back is not good at all.
I feel old.
I hung out at Sterling's after work because going home and hanging out by myself (whilst in pain) sounded unfun. He's doing well.
HOWEVER I have proof now he doesn't read this anymore. Which, really saddens me, actually (he intimated that the level of intimacy here (especially about him and how much I think he's wonderful, and all) make him uncomfortable). It was really nice to know that someone I saw on a regular basis (who wasn't my boyfriend and required to care about my day) read this and knew what was on my mind. But, what can you do?
The answer, not much. So, it will be alright.
Anyway, I am going to go to bed, I can't sit in this chair for long periods of time, or it hurts.
Goodness I've whined a lot today. Well I guess I could argue that is what blogs are for, so... nuh.
Tomorrow will be better, less working and then some playing!
posted by Amber at 2:02 AM
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man oh man long day
| | there should be a law that prohibits any job from taking place where you might have to get up at four am. There really should be.
So yeah, long ass day at work, long long ass day. I got three hours worth of sleep.
I was so beaten up that Sterling easily kicked my ass at badminton, and then I was in so much pain I had to lie down.
Which I did until nine. Poor Ed is having a bad day, he quit the players club due to political differences. It really meant a lot to him. I wish I had been more, more, empathetic? I don't know, I do feel really bad for him, but the fact that there is nothing I can do makes me easily frustrated. Either way, we got into a quasi fight, well I mean, it totally was a fight, its just I am not sure how grounded in reality it is (I am cranky and hungry he was upset and in a bad mood...). Either way, now I am blocked on AIM (I get the feeling it's temporary [until we both cool off?], he would have told me if it was permanent). Anyway, I hate fighting, but I don't feel right trying to apologize to a guy who doesn't want to speak to me (those kinds of apologies never go well).
So I went to the videostore (I miseed the videostore and food so badly!)... it always makes me feel better (few things make me as happy as a good video after a long day at work). And I nearly ran over a guy... it really was his fault, he was walking in a straight line then he started to dart to the right.. into my car. Luckily he wasn't hurt at all. He followed me into the videostore... and I was quite sure he was going to tell me off... but instead he told me he came in because I was so beautiful (well... hot was the word he used). It was cool.
See, I don't even feel irritated that I saw 16 candles and Molly Ringwold got the rich guy instead of the geek (Anthony Michael Hall's characters don't appeal to me like Duckie). It was cool to see John Cusack (tried to rent Grosse Pointe Blank(e?)), god he was young.
So all thing considered, even though my feet and my back hurt like hell, even though I am currently quarreling with a friend, even though I saw the geek lose AGAIN, I'm actually feeling alright. Maybe I've just missed being home?
Anyway, I have badminton at noonish tomorrow, I'm heading to bed.
PS I saw fire dancers in the park, either it was some kind of cultural event, or it was a drug event... maybe both!
PPS Sterling almost sorta kinda said he missed me... which made me happy. I am pretty sure he doesn't read this anymore (which would hurt my feelings, but I think it has more to do with him not being online and not that I am boring).
posted by Amber at 12:15 AM
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adventure!
| | SO today Frank and I decide we are going to go intertubing on the Truckee. The Truckee is located right outside his apartment complex and it is 106 outside. We spend the next THREE HOURS looking for intertubes (they sell them... at tire places).
Then we pushed off. Wow, that is fun but scary. See, our tubes being less than regulation size, made it so our rear ends are MUCH closer to the rocks. And boy oh boy, there were a lot of rocks. Frank and I thought it would be calm enough to drink soda and float... haha. Finally we came to rocks I decided were too close for comfort so I decided to walk on the bank for a while. Frank and I were seperated.
I finally get back in the water, float along, hand paddle like mad to avoid rocks (bash pretty hard into a few anyway), then I lie on my stomach for a while (while looking for Frank, can't find him anywhere), then, bash my toe really really hard into a rock. I cracked my toe nail. I decided right then that the party was over and I was walking. So I walk downtown, and people keep looking at me. I am sure that Frank will be at the truck. When I finally make it, there is no Frank, there is no truck. I sit for a few, and meet a VERY creepy middleaged man named Victor (he's 47), who reaches over while telling me I am "good people" and squeezes my breast. I realize I am in down town reno, no money, no ID, no idea of Frank's home phone number, wearing... a bathing suit.
So, I decide to walk back to his place. And its a long walk, it feels even longer because I am being GAWKED at. Mind you, I am not wearing my glasses, so I can only judge by the comments (some yelled from cars), but apparently my nonsense single piece swimsuit (ideal for the swim team) is making waves. Creepy waves.
I finally make it back to Frank's apartment (after walking through a rather run down/industrial part of town)... and Frank's not home
FRANK IS NOT HOME. I am so incredibly thirsty, I'm tired, I want some clothes, I have a split toenail (which has broken open again), and I am worried.
Twenty minutes later he shows up.
You thought my story was bad. He lost his innertube for a while, and took those rocks (the ones I walked for) without a tube. He is bruised and bleeding, and hungry and tired.
But, it was fun.
No, really, it was fun.
posted by Amber at 8:58 PM
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my saturday
| | So, its a saturday night, and I'm in Reno. I bet you're wondering how I've been spending the evening. Go on, guess... no, not gambling or drinking or even taking in an exotic show. I am sitting in Frank's room, with ice cream and soda. Its kind of like Saturday nights at my apartment, only, its Frank's... but both apartments are currently lacking a Frank. He got invited to a Rodeo, and although I was invited (and fully intended to go), at the last minute I got put off by his neighor. Who told me to tell Frank to behave himself... and suddenly I realized I was supposed to stay home while the "boys" went out. So, I did. Jeff and Frank left like six hours ago, I don't know when they're coming home, I kind of hope soon. I would make a miserable mother, I hate this waiting up for someone shit, it makes me feel pathetisad. I didn't really want to go to a rodeo... but I did want to be with Frank... sigh. So a pint of coffee icecream later, I'm doing okay. I've got the Stones on (I've discovered that the 30 Amazon.com loop of beast of burden almost exactly loops on itself, so I've just been playing it).
I am really really really really getting nervous about moving to Reno. I mean, Frank has a small circle of friends here, I have no one. I'm seriously considering kidnapping Sterling. Although, we probably wouldnt' be friends after that...sigh.
Anyway, been kind of down today, frank and I have had a couple fights... I am glad I'm here, I've had some fun times, but I don't think this was what I was planning on. I was planning on much more quality Frank time, and more... lying about in bed for hours (its hot here, and actually, I'm kind of hurting, which is...annoying).
Frank's computer is riddled with spyware, and I've done the rudimentary things to kill it, but its a hydra. I've been trying off and on for a few days now to reach sterling there is supposed to be a third program I should download for it, but I don't know what it is. I'm pretty sure this is WAY beyond my ability anyway.
So, yeah I'm going to go play neopets, and wait for Frank to get home, and if he's not home by one am, I'll leave him a note to go see Harold.
Sigh
posted by Amber at 11:16 PM
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day of relaxing
| | So, I'm here in Reno. Today was pretty good. I got up leisurly at noonish (he has AIR CONDITIONING!). We hung out, I met his friends Harold and Lucas. I saw War of the Worlds... it was a truly awful movie, don't see it! At LEAST Tom Cruise doesn't get the girl in the end. But truly the workings of God were strong in that movie...
Frank and I got into a bit of a fight (we're good now), and we saw 28 days...
Yeah, that really was my day. I don't have to work until next thursday! Whoo Hoo!
Night!
posted by Amber at 1:36 AM
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EXCITEMENT!
| | So, I woke up at six am this morning, to the sound of lapping. 
A roof rat with a body about five inches long was calmly drinking on my desk.
I was not so calm
I screamed
He pissed himself and then ran under my dresser
...
that was over 12 hours ago.
So I'm cleaning my room trying to get everything rat friendly out of it, and getting ready to shower so I can go to reno (as in, nude), when my rooting around my closet unearths him.
He runs
I scream.
then I decide he must go, so I run and open the door, then grab the first heavy thing I can find. A 12 in. high black plastic alarm clock (it even has plastic bells on it). And I chase the fucker through my apartment, screaming and banging the clock against the walls.
I'll repeat that: I, naked and armed only with a novelty clock, chase this rat out of my house while screaming and banging around like a maniac.
I'm sure the rat thought I was insane.
I'm also pretty sure that my neighbors do too.
posted by Amber at 7:51 PM
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Mrs. Yoho(?)
| | I played house yesterday... or rather, Michael Yoho proposed. He's a weird one, sunday he turned my proposition down, yesterday he said we should get married. Its strange when grownups play house... little kids focus on the every day aspects of house, we focused on the life decisions we would have to make. I'd become Amber Yoho (shudder), with a masters degree in teaching (I'd become a school teacher because he wasn't interested in helping me fund my bookstore), he would go career military. We'd have two kids, Katherine and Miles Yoho... and Michael and I would fight a lot. It was that last one that helped him come to the conclusion that marriage was a bad idea (I told him I would call him a "too extremist, lacking in compassion or understanding, and maybe a closeminded asshole" he would call me "a stupid bitch"... he's never been too articulate when angry). He decided to settle for a one night stand... which was the extent of what I wanted in the first place, so, I win.
That was weird.
posted by Amber at 10:23 AM
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job well done
| | I did a good job today at work. I detailed everything, and got everything perfect a whole twenty minutes before I had to leave...
Sergio (the guy in charge of Logistics, and the floor manager for tonight) told me a did an excellent job and my clearance racks were incredible.
I have an incredible rack... in fact I have multiple of them.
Life is good.
posted by Amber at 12:01 AM
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Hah!
| | I was right, Duckie -should- end up with Molly's character. And originally she did, it was only the stupid test audiences of the 1980s that changed the director's mind. Stupid materialistic 1980s
uh, that was all
posted by Amber at 2:45 PM
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Duckie...
| | Molly Ringwold is a whore.
Okay, she isn't really, but the characters she played in the 80s were terrible! They were all screwed up!
As you can tell... I saw Pretty In Pink again. I LOVE Duckie! Why can't she? Why does she end up with Blane? BLANE!? It's so wrong!
I know what the father says in the beginning is right, sometimes the people you love don't love you back...but, but, but... not in Movieland! In movieland, especially teenage movieland, the good guy wins... Duckie is the good guy, why doesn't he win? I both love Duckie (and wish I had ever -had- a Duckie) and I sympathize with him. And this is where I melodramtically heave my chest and say, I've loved without being loved back. And, erm, its true, (I've done it a couple times really, and had it end up horrendously embarassing for me -every time- and it hurt like hell -every time-) but not the point. The ending scene where Duckie saves her, she walks in with her head held high, and everything is right... only to have Duckie give her up to Blane (spit), oh it kills me, it kills me.
IN FACT: because I am feeling so bad for nice guys, I am reprinting a thing that was sent to me on myspace
(sorry its long)
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing 'serious' between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: 'oh, but we're just friends!'And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because youï're nice like that.
The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as 'oh, he's too nice to date' or 'he would be a good boyfriend but he's not for me' or 'he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn't possibly ask him out!' or the most frustrating of all: 'no, it would ruin our friendship.' Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I'm going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, insane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
posted by Amber at 1:18 AM
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tonight tonight!
| | so this evening I hung out with Sterling, which I love doing. I'm trying to think of things I enjoy more than hanging out with Sterling... and only hanging out with Frank is topping it. Yeah, we wandered around, ate Thai food came home and saw Strictly Ballroom... which is SUCH a favorite of mine. He liked it, which is awesome. Martina's parents were here tonight, which was weird, but whatever. It meant that I drank by myself in my room (I didn't offer Sterling any... thinking about it now, I probably should have). Things are back to normal here in Amberland... Amber gets drunk, Sterling watches and makes sure I don't... I don't know, stop breathing or something. Which didn't happen tonight. Just once it would be nice if we were both equally irresponsible (but not, you know, puking), I can wait for that (although I guess it would need to happen before I move... a thought I am not entertaining right now). Yeah, he had to go because he has a wedding tomorrow (not his own, a friend's)... he gets to fly!
Speaking of flying, I get to do that soonish, to Washington D.C.! I'm excited.
For now, I'm probably headed to bed, to read, and then sleep! I'm not working tomorrow and this is wonderful!
posted by Amber at 11:30 PM
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geek pride
| | so, I'm waiting for Sterling, and I realized I could blog about something that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with my day... crazy.
In no particular order
1. playing with star wars action figures in 7th grade with my friends (playing cool grown up games too, involving sex!) and then some popular kids came up and said "playing with dolls, how immature" and I smartly replied "you know you want to play too!"
2. By freshman year of highschool knowing the entirity of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and nearly all of MST3K the movie ("I feel like a new toothbrush, so rub me in a circular motion on your gums).
3. Sitting in my comp lit class freshman year of college, reading Dragonlance, minding my own business,when the guy next to me says "you read dragonlance?" And when I replied that I loved the series, he invited me to play Dungeons and Dragons with him and his roomates. I was so incredibly touched (wished I knew how to play).
4. Being able to curse Ed in both Elvish and Klingon (Elvish is -hard-)
5. Going to Waldenbooks in the mall, and having an educated discussion with the owner about fantasy serieses in the mid 1980s (I think I may love that man, he knows me now by the way, and wishes he could afford to hire me)
posted by Amber at 6:44 PM
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long day (and its not even sunset!)
| | sigh... I worked too much today. I got up at five am because I started work at six, I'll repeat that I got up at FIVE AM. I went to bed at eleven pm, honest, but I didn't fall asleep until one-ish, then Frank called me up at two thirty am (he had convenient amnesia about that part today), then I woke up every half an hour, quite sure I was going to be late for work. Well... I wasn't.
Actually working in the morning is kind of fun, there were no customers for the first three hours (heh, I typed "years" first... wishful thinking), just lots of am talk radio and putting stuff places, which is kind of cool. The music we listen to in the morning is cooler than the Mervyn's radio they've got going the rest of the day (its not muzak, its just... eclectic). I like Sergio (the guy who is incharge of Logistics... no really, we have a department called Logistics... because I guess "stock room" just doesn't cut it as a Mervyn's friendly term.), he is very helpful. Being by myself for hours was a little stressful, but really you only need one person. See, it was like I was hosting a party, a really boring clothes party, but a party. And I put everything out HOURS before the guests came... then, I waited around for the guests, and I didn't have as many as I planned, and all I did was stand around.... okay I lost my analogy here. Really though, everything was ordered, it wasn't busy, I stood around (well... not really, you never really stand around at Mervyn's you always LOOK busy, so when I say "stood around" I really mean "strode about looking purposeful and important") a lot. The first three hours flew by... the next four crawled. But, I think I did everything alright.
They had me work 7 hours so that I would only get a half an hour lunch break (so I really worked seven and a half)... then I had to stay a half an hour late... grumble I wanted that hour lunch!
So yeah, I got off at two thirty, got home around three... and now I have been up for 12 hours.
My work starts tomorrow at five am... so not cool
I'm going to go do stuff
posted by Amber at 5:10 PM
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one year!
| | Well, gentlemen (and I say gentlemen because I can't think of any ladies I know who read this) we have arrived. A year ago today, I wrote my first blog entry. Unfortunatly I don't have a big list of my favorite blog entries to put up here, or any real celebrations planned... BUT this is a big moment for me. I started this blog because I was so incredibly unhappy that I felt I had to tell someone... Now one year later things are much much better. Part of the better is due to this blog. I am less crazy, less lonely, and MORE happy. Actually I kind of thought I wasn't going to last this long (in a half formed melodramatic way).
Do I have an idea what I am doing with my life... no, not really. Am I sane... no, probably not. But, I'm here, damnit, and I plan on continuing to be here.
And this is good.
posted by Amber at 10:06 PM
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Friday night adventure... of sorts
| | So, tonight was alright. Sterling and I tried to go clubbing, with not much result. Yeah we headed to 815 L street, and NOTHING was happening, so we went to the Rage, and NOTHING really was happening. So we went to Safeway, and bought booze (which only I drank, because I think Sterling is leery of alcohol after last week). I found out that my passport isn't good enough at safeway, because they are bastards, but they still accepted it (apparently if it doesn't have a physical description its not good enough for them... which means they are dicks, but whatever). Sterling and I saw Freaks and Geeks, which was fun (as always). And then, after seeing a full DVD, he went home... which is good, because its almost four am. What is annoying, (and only slightly) is I am drunk, and he is not... but to be honest it isn't that annoying because of his spectacular display at my party. There is no nice way to say "I like you better because you've demonstrated that at least at one point in time you've lacked control" but... that's how I feel. He ALWAYS has it together, it was relieving (if not -nice-) to see him at less than full control (however it is sad that it made him so ill). Anyway, yeah, to return to tonight, me drunk, him stone cold sober (her name is Rachel Shaddix, how I could forget that, is beyond me). But, yet again I've resisted temptation, not made a -total- idiot out of myself, and been in the company of a very handsome man (its not my fault he doesn't think me attractive, or so I keep telling myself).
SO... it was a good night, I got to kiss him on the cheek, and I am not looking forward to being at work at eleven am.
That is all
PS just a minor thing... July fifth marks the one year anniversary of this blog, here is to my July fourth being better this year, eh?
posted by Amber at 3:59 AM
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