| | | | | | Wednesday, March 30, 2005 |
Sideways (and other news)
| | oy, its four am again.
Yeah so, today was alright. I saw Sideways, which is a good movie, and I saw it for four dollars, which makes it that much sweeter. Frank and I went to $4 movie night, which was fun. We came back and cut his hair (that was so cool, I got to live out the trailer queen beautician dreams that I had as a child, it turned out pretty even, too. Now his hairs is two inches shorter and soft, not the snarled mess that Jacob's was!).watched TV and then talked about the meaning of life (and how it bugs me to talk about the meaning of life because it's masturbatory), and about Manchuria (now Heilongjiang Province, I believe), and about making plans and about stuff. It was a good time. I am very very tired, I didn't sleep more than six hours last night.
Tomorrow, I am going out to eat with Sterling, with an option to either go nighttime exploring (who knows what that might entail!) or if its too cold, rent a movie. He has to be home by ten thirty though, because he has an 8am class... about raptors (and not velociraptors... more like hawks). I found out today that my woman writers of the arab world was cancelled (they should have sent me an email, bastards!), so now I am taking a comp lit class on ethnic minority world writers at the same time, here's to it not sucking!
Sterling has a mohawk and I get to see it tomorrow! I am just as excited as seeing Austins for the first time, although I doubt his will be green, nor probably as tall. I also doubt it will detract from his sexiness (it mayn't have been a bad thing if it did, it would mean less gawking on my part). I get to touch it, and revel in its sure to be gluey nastiness. Note to self: bring camera tomorrow to dinner ( I can't wait to develop these pictures, I have preclubbing photos, some of Frank some of the beach and now hair photos, and the camera still has over ten pictures left!)
Alright alright I am heading to bed!
posted by Amber at 3:56 AM
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Harry!
| | You know what I want? Well, many things (like perfect health and fluency in every language in the world, ever, and maybe to be a housecat in the next life), but among the things that I would like right now, I would like the two part 3-D episode of 3rd rock from the sun, if I can't have both episodes I'll take the one with Harry's dream. Hell, I'll just take Harry's dream, where he sing Randy Newman's "Life has been good to me"...while wandering around a set, then ending up in the cartoon sewers. Man, I want to see that again. I loved French Stewart's character... and that song was perfect for him! "Everything I do, it always turns out right. Hey, hey [circusy sounding music] hey, hey." I am clearly not doing this song justice, but then neither does Bonnie Raitt on Newman's Faust CD (the only recording of the song I can find).
Aw man, I have musical fever, and I don't know if there is a cure!
ALSO: I miss 3rd Rock, I miss it bad.
posted by Amber at 12:03 AM
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Beach!
| | I had a nice entry here about the beach and how it was a good time, and introspective, and, I assure you, it was a witty entry... However, Blogger in its INFINITE wisdom, fucked up and lost it. I don't really feel like typing it all up again, so here's the highlights:
* I had a good time at the beach with Jacob
* The weather was good
* I took pictures which you will never see because my scanner is a bitch
* I now have a sunburn and itchy eyes
* I don't love Jacob anymore, I love a boy who is 14, not this man I see next to me
* Jacob lost his virginity, I wasn't aware, and I feel bad, for not feeling bad, for missing it
* It was an introspective time
* the tone was like this:
And it's been a long december and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass
And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...I guess I should
* the music itself was like this:
Let's all stroke together
Like the Princeton crew
When you're strokin' Mama
Mama's strokin' you
* when two storytellers get together and use stories as a way to express feelings... a lot of talking gets done, but not much gets *said*
* I really want to talk this over with a living human being (no offense) but no one is around
There you go... my blog entry minus all of the art
Sigh
posted by Amber at 11:04 PM
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I am lazarus back from the dead, I will tell you all
| | hello internet. Have you missed me? I missed you. Even blogger decided to be nice and just load up right away. Happy Easter! Today for Easter... I um, slept in, went to Vietnemese food and ate white rabbit candy, see it was eastery there was a rabbit involved in today's activities. Actually, I have fabulous and interesting news... Sterling is getting a mohawk! Well, I don't know if its for sure yet, but it sure sounds like it! Luckily I have a picture of him in his "normal" state, but I am excited! I love mohawks, my cousin Austin has one (had? who knows), and they are so much fun.
This weekend was fun. Frank came over Friday, we went to my parents (hence the no computer), that was nice. Its kind of weird spending the night at your parents with your boyfriend, its like being 16 again, but you know, not. Then Saturday we went to Chinatown in Oakland, which was fun, I got asian candy and really really good chow mein (and vegetable bun! That was good as long as I didn't try and identify the vegetables by texture, then it quickly got creepy). Then we saw Melinda Melinda, by woody allen, which was fun. Then we came home, and frank fell asleep before midnight on a saturday... it was very... manly.
On the list of things to do tomorrow, go to the Marin headlands with Jacob, he needs this, and I hope it doesn't suck, its going to cost me a bit out of pocket, he promised to pay up in sex or witty conversation... he had better be damn witty tomorrow, because I have to be out the door at nine am, on my vacation!
PS everything comes back to Prufrock in the end...
posted by Amber at 10:41 PM
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Helloooo Vacation!
| | Argh, blogger, you old whore, makin' me stay up forty minutes before I can post. I shake my fist at ye!
SO... last day. Yeah, I think I did alright on the Chinese history final... so here's to a B+? Yesh (Mooch, my nickname used to be mooch!). Grumbly, Sterling went home (would have been nice of him to mention that Monday was the last night I was going to see him, grumble mumble. But whatever, hope he's having fun at home visiting his sister and family and all). Lata was busy tonight holding a potluck at her house, she invited me... but its at her house, and I don't like those people, so I may have been a teensy bit rude when I said (without thinking) "oh hell no!" Oops? I love you Lata! (would also like to point out she never calls to do things with me... double grumble) So tonight I celebrated by watching Pulp Fiction and eating pizza (and talking to Ed, who was... strangely the only one around)... Frank is ill, so ill he took Theraflu (not without some coaxing, but lets put it this way... he hates theraflu, with a vengence... so to even coerce him to take it, is huge). My room is a mess, and I owe the school some serious money, so tomorrow I am taking care of that... so much for sleeping in. Vacation, oh hell yeah!
In neopets news: I am making money I am sure of it, its just all tied up in items in my shop, once everyone realizes I own the cheapest blue pteri morphing potions and BUYS them, I am going to make almost ten thousand np in profit. I want that Aisha transmogrification potion...
to illustrate (so you can follow along)
my current pet Lunitari_the_pensive looks like this:
I want to buy this...
to turn him into this:
are you with me? cool... anyway, I bought him a new petpet (yeah I know the aisha is a little girly, but the petpet, a Turnali, is cool)
 (I barely resisted the urge to name him Eye-gore... instead his name is Edgar, because that is a cool name). I love this little guy, he's so much fun... although he's a little vicious when I play with him (you can talk to them, they randomly respond, he tends to growl and bite or walkaround the room with his arms outstretched my guess is its the big head... but when I asked him about it, he bit me, I think he's a bit sensitive on the issue). I'll be happy when I get the mazzew avatar so I can ditch the mazzew on Nuitari and get him a blue gremble... which would look like this:
 
and just to round it out, my other pet Solinari_the_wise has a blobagus, named Harvey (blobagus is such a fun word to say)
 
hehe, that was fun. Alright I am really heading to bed now.
(c) 2004 Neopets, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used With Permission
posted by Amber at 1:53 AM
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Insania (sure, it's a word, it's next to anvillania)
| | You will never guess what I did today....
I crammed an entire quarter's worth of reading into one day. Yeah, I did it, and it didn't really suck, true reading a text book all day isn't high on my list of things to do, but still managed it, 200 pages worth of information. I think it was easier than it sounds because:1. I have a general knowledge of this time period (Japanese Colonialism comes in handy again, or maybe for the first time! Oh, and I took the Chinese history survey course), and I attended over half of the lectures, so I've heard it all before and have a good general idea of what happened when, just the specific details were escaping me. Yeah, I made a half assed study guide, I have over three quarters of the terms down... which is all I need and I know what I can write about for three of the four essays. I'm a little irritated actually, I feel I should be suffering more for my half assed attitude about this class, one of my ID terms is Stalin for crissakes. If I had studied (or remembered about) that map quiz I would be acing the class (I got a 55% on it without studying, which is...sad. But two A- on the papers, just have to... get better than a 72% on the final and I can keep a B... actually if I get a 94% or higher I can get an A-... but I don't think I will be that good, but who knows I write coherent English and that is an advantage) Tomorrow before class I am going to make sure I can put a date to everything I know, then take the test.
Today I also had time to do a load of laundry, bathe and go out to dinner (by myself, but still food I didn't have to cook and not floss). Sterling has dissapeared off of the face of the planet (I never know what he is up to, he is like a ninja.. a flannel wearing Volvo driving Ninja) and Frank is ill.
Oh yeah, I think I am going to the beach monday with Jacob he needs to get away, so we'll see how that goes, hopefully well (little nervous).
Alright then I am off to neopets, and then bed.
posted by Amber at 10:47 PM
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icky day, but cute petpets
| | Today sucked (as... most of you know) and there was no pie... and there will be no vacation. Today was, to borrow one of Jacob's phrases "the suck." Anyway, turned the paper, and I took, and I think passed (barely) the final.
Enough said. I don't want to talk about that stuff now.
I have something intirely different planned for this blog entry. I want to introduce you to my good friends
 Jimi
and
 Woogy
Jimi and Woogy are Hasees (a petpet) and they are the star of Hasee Bounce, my current favorite flash game on neopets. Hasees apparently really like
 doughnut fruit.
However, because they are silly little petpets, they can't climb up on the trees to the doughnut fruit they have to bounce on a seesaw and try and catch the doughnut fruit as they go past. This is the weird part, the doughnut fruit don't fall, they go from left to right (or right to left), and you have to time your jumps carefully, or you'll get dung, or snot or other nasty stuffs. Some doughnut fruit are shaped like letters and if you get an H-A-S-E-E you get more time. Its a really cute game... and I like doing posts with visuals.
Alright now I am going to go crash. Goodnight world, I will start studying for Chinese history tomorrow)
(c) 2004 Neopets, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used With Permission
posted by Amber at 12:12 AM
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2 comments
argh creative burnout
| | so, yeah, here I am at nearly three am. I am now almost finished with page 9 of my term paper. Sigh. So very tired. My plan is crawl onto the tenth page then fall asleep. Wake up at ten then work until five pm, then turn it in. Then come home, look over the key terms for my Film history final, then take the final at seven pm. Then come home, crash or maybe cry and then crash, we'll see. I actually like my story, its pretty interesting to write, its just coming up with shit that is historically accurate that is hard. Like if I were writing this for fun, I would have introduced a love interest by now, but nope gotta talk about history. Grumble. Well seven hours tomorrow to work a six page miracle... or a five and a half page miracle.. whatever.
In other non paper news, today royally sucked. I found out I can't take my camping trip because my parents remembered I owe them money and want me to pay them back... so, I've got enough money to pay for school, but not enough to vacation. Grumbly. Plus Frank was having a bad day, its really hard for me when he starts getting insecure about what he wants to do with his life... I should work on having more patience. I guess, part of the reason I get snappish is because, well if he doesn't know what he's doing, then I don't know what I am doing, and that is beyond worrysome, its terrifying. And somehow that comes out as "(slap!) get it together man" which probably isn't very helpful.
Anyway I am exhausted, and I need to be brilliant... in less than seven hours. Grumble. After Wednesday I don't have to deal with this school bullshit... for a whole seven day, gr-reat.
posted by Amber at 2:54 AM
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saturday: finals and fun!
| | So hey... first final done. Yeah I had a final on a saturday... it was sucky. I mean the final itself wasn't so bad, I don't think I did incredibly well on it, but whatever, I got an A- on all of the short papers an A on the midterm and a A- on the big paper, so yay (this is my best class, which is kind of sad, because it and Chinese history are the classes that I put in the least amount of effort, and I am apparently doing pretty well in Chinese history). Yeah, so Sterling and I almost got into a fight, but didn't instead he came over (even though he was really tired) and we hung out for... hours. I finished off the Whalers before he came (in a fit of drama), and we saw Clue, which is just such a fun movie. And we talked, forever, about important stuff and not so important stuff, which was fun. Anyhoo, he went home, and I realized I spent another day and didn't do jack on my term paper, which I guess means tomorrow I am going to kick some term paper ass!
Anyhoo, I still need laundry and I need sleep, only one of these can be got right now for free and with minimal effort... so I'm heading to the laundry room, I mean bed, bed!
posted by Amber at 1:31 AM
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Night after night (humming along tunelessly)
| | so, today, started off in utter panic. Like naseau panic... in fact I've been naseauous all day..
This is really how Frank and my relationship works
No, really. Have you read it? Good, because otherwise this story won't work. Frank sent me that strip like a week ago. Now let me tell you my dream last night: I dreampt that Frank and I were getting married, like he proposed to me, and everyone (the whole family) was in a rush to get the wedding over with before he changed his mind. Like he proposed on Friday and we were doing the wedding that Sunday. I was freaking out, not because I didn't want to get married, but because I was afraid he was going to regret it. He was... chill about it, he told me 'yeah well, I mean I think I owe it to you or something' which did little to rest my mind. I kept telling him "it's forever ever, you know that' and he'd say ' sure, lets just do this, right?" We got married in the Church which was weird, and he was okay with that "yeah, it doesn't really matter where we do it, does it?" which is even weirder. It wasn't really very romantic, it was kind of rushed and the church was huge. Even in my dreams, my wedding was kind of lame.
Yeah so, I swear to god, I called frank today and gave him a bad time about how he acted in my dream (he thought it was funny how chill he was, and how pannicked I was). So yeah, I am Millie, weasely toad face.
In other news today, I sent my professor an email to make sure I am not royally fucking up my paper, and he was really supportive, which is weird, because it made me more panicked not less. No one was around to talk to today... Lata was busy Sterling was busy, Ed was busy with the Lady Wonderful (I kind of like Nick's honorific for significant others, the Lady this and the Lady that, I think I may stick with it. Hah! now Irene is the Lady Bonner, hehehe, not sure why that amuses me). My wrist hurts like hell from the neopets, its back in the brace for the day... icky. I saw A Chorus Line, which was fun, and The Untouchables, which was alright... I know when I think of Irish 1930s beatcop from Chicago I think of Sean Connery, don't you? (eyes roll) Frank thinks my paper writing style is boring, I think his is pompous and dry, so I guess we both win! Oh did I mention that my sink is being a bitch again, I thought I was just spilling water on my floor, but nope now another pipe is leaking (slowly thank god)... I'm thinking maybe I've got magic psi powers, because when I am stressed plumbing goes bad (last time I was incredibly stressed it was steamy and fierce, now I am living under a continuous sense of panic it down to drippy and destructive). Just wait until someone drops pigs blood on me, people will die (or rather toilets everywhere may explode.... that would be awesome. A totally useless power, but still awesome)... please in no way assume that to be an actual threat on my part. I am... as harmless as a pussycat, one with sharp claws and a short temper... and possessed by inner demons the likes of which mere mortals cannot comprehend. Yeah, pussycat.
Anyhoo, been a day, full of waiting and intermittant rain (icky)... and no laundry. I really need to do that relatively soon, or I am going to end up taking my final either naked or in really smelly clothes.
My life is currently being soundtracked by ELO.
I also just got some money from my parents, so I won't starve and I can go on my road trip next week!
EDIT
 Oh yeah, I got this today too, number #130!
Copyright 2004 Neopets, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Used With Permission
posted by Amber at 12:05 AM
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ramblings and ruminations
| | quite the day. I woke up, did some writing on my paper (did some serious panicking too, but yeah, think its all going to be okay). Sterling is apparently dead (o-chem is over but did not go well I assume). I made him enchiladas, like a bunch, because you know how it goes food= love. Frank thinks it cute when I make food, because I want so hard to please the person I cook for (rarely cook for myself, what is the point?), but this femininity doesn't' come naturally and I get frustrated, so by the time I am finished all my nice feelings are gone and I kind of have a 'you damn well better appreciate this' attitude (I made Frank a dessert once, caught the goddamned stove on fire THREE times, and the asshole was laughing at me as I am cussing at the stove, risking my safety to make him SOMETHING NICE, and he was an ASSHOLE). I went over to drop it off, and he, pobrecito, was sleeping. Apparently by waking him up when I did I was able to get his ass to a review session (or at least up for it). Which means, I didn't get to watch him eat the food... annoying (that is the best part). I hope he enjoys it ( it was a little crispy), or if he doesn't at least that the food gets eaten (I think Paul Limb will eat just about anything).
In other non culinary news, Nick IM'd me today, it was weird. It was weird because he was talking very rapidly and almost bewilderingly:
me: hello
nick: no need to be nervous [in response to my away message about my homework]
nick: why nwy?
nick: ?
nick: why hwy?
nick: okay
nick: yeah
nick: no no
nick: bad bad...
nick: dont day hi to me anymore...
nick: thats sad...
nick: (unhappy smiley)
nick: i cry..
me: what?
nick: quit...
nick: in the corner...
nick: and no one says anything to me..
nick: so i die a little inside...
nick: and then sigh....
nick: kill myself...
it was a bit dizzying to try and keep up with him. Anyhow, I have to be honest I am not sure what the hell is going on, but something is going on... that much is for sure. Up down sideways on off, couldn't tell you. Drama...sigh
In other other news
Talked to Jacob... we found out personal stuff that we both probably should have taken to our graves...
ALSO: on a vaguely related note. I have a beef to pick with god, or the people who make afterschool specials. Growing up seems to mean just doing the right thing, even if it sucks, ESPECIALLY if it sucks, and that... is sucky (well it is). And that is just part of it, I mean you don't get a party or anything if you do the right thing, you don't even get a reward, you get to keep the status quo (as in you don't fuck up)... and everyone is like yeah so what. Grumble, well its hard and part of me want a cookie. This is why I sympathize with the prodigal son's brother, I mean that guy didn't fuck up, and what did he get? Nothing. Or I guess he didn't end up in the gutter for a while, which is good but a hard thing to be thankful for, I think. No one kills the fatted calf (or whatever animal) for him, he just works, I bet he doesn't even get words of encouragement from his dad. I know what the message is here, but still its annoying. My mother says she has just recently been able to live with how the good son is treated, oh man, I have to wait 26 years to figure this shit out? Not happy, not happy at all.
Truth is, I want my cookie.
PS So Serious by ELO is so incredibly awesome I can't describe it.
posted by Amber at 12:48 AM
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studying... bites
| | Blogger has been such a bitch lately, I spent twenty minutes tonight just trying to get here... not happy Amber.
In other news, I did homework today, and it was boring. I went to the library, and researched for two hours, found very little useful information, and I am pissed off at the stupid map collection. Apparently for reasons beyond my comprehension, no cartographers gave a shit about Korea from circa 1900 to 1954, and this angers me. Also, I found the perfect article for my story, it was a detailed explanation of the colonial educational system in Korea for all grades, and rural versus urban... but it was in FUCKING KOREAN. Goddamnit all to hell... no, no, God fuck it. You read right, I am frustrated.
SO, the homework I did do consisted of reading an article about the Kanto Earthquake and the proceeding massacre of Koreans in Japan (yeah, it was really scary actually), the March 1st declaration (independence movement in Korea March first 1919), and a discussion of the various governments in exile during the time Korea was under Japanese control. Not particularly helpful, but its research, I'll try and apply them somewhere. I also took the bus to rent Do the Right Thing (the last of the films I needed to see for film class, well technically I haven't seen the Battle for Algiers, but... I don't want to see that one), and eventually saw it at Sterling's. Yeah Sterling has been studying... a lot, like for the last week or more for his O-chem final tomorrow (today?) at 8am. So, if you're up and reading this sometime between 8am-10am PST, send him some luck... maybe a lot of it. Yeah, Do the Right Thing inspired some controversy in Fountain Circle 50, which is good, because it didn't come to blows and controversy is nice (when people don't die). I thought the film was good, I thought the use of yellow filters and Dutch angles (also strategic low angles) were very effective, oh and the subject was provocative. At least it wasn't a fucking movie about a fucking movie (goddamned Wenders... not sure when I am going to forgive that pretentious asshole, maybe after I take the final).
So yeah, Sterling took me home, and he was very....manly, as he felt bad about potential plans this weekend (Irene is worn out this week, so he's not sure if he's free Saturday or Sunday for me, and seemed to feel genuinely, not sad, but maybe torn? about it). I love his overexplanitory nature... especially when he is tired and can't express himself (he looked pretty terrible today, but there really is no graceful way for someone to respond to "wow, you look like shit"). Frank is much better at expressing himself... or maybe he is more concise (does that necessarily mean better?) than I am. I think it is part of his 'chill' personality (very closely related to 'cool', but at least he's not 'frigid').
The plan for tomorrow: sleep in, 2. write pages and pages of paper 3. return movies 4. begin Chinese history study guide (ie try and figure out which parts of the text book I might actually need to read) 5. email professor? (maybe go to office hours) so I am sure that I am not wandering waay off course with my paper. 6. do laundry, I have no clothes and naked is not acceptable in public 7. there is no official seven, but I'll bet I end up playing some neopets tomorrow.
For now, I retire, to the bed (meaning I am going to walk over about five feet and lay down, and try and sleep).
PS happy Saint Patrick's day. Or as he should be known St.Patrick (387-493) the Scottish druid killer!, yeah this is why I am not in charge of the Catholic Church (that and my ruling religious policy is "God doesn't want us to be stupid").
posted by Amber at 1:41 AM
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lyrics
| | hehehe, the radio and I are trying to work out our problems. I think its going well. Here's what I mean:
Today is gonna to be the day that they're gonna to throw me back to you/by now you should have somehow realized what you gotta do/ I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.
Backbeat the word is on the street that the fire in your eyes is out/ I'm sure you've heard it all before but you've never really had a doubt/ I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.
And all the roads we have to walk along are winding/ and all the lights that lead us there are blinding/There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how
Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me?/ and after all you're my wonderwall.
Today was gonna be the day?/but they'll never throw me back to you/By now you should have somehow realized what you're not to do/ I dont' believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.
And all the roads that lead to you are winding/ and all the lights that light the way are blinding/There are man things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how.
I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that save me?/and after all, you're my wonderwall.
Day after day/I will walk and I will play/but the day after today/I will stop and I will start/ why can't I get just one kiss?/ why can't I get just one kiss?/there may be something's that I wouldn't miss/ but I look at your pants and I need a kiss/why can't I get just one screw?/why can't I get just one screw?/ believe me I know what to do/but something won't let me make love to you/why can't I get just one fuck?/why can't I get just one fuck?/ I guess it's got something to do with luck/ but I've been waiting all my life for just one.../
Day after day/I get angry/and I will say/ that the day/ is in my sight/when I'll take a bow and say goodnight.
ALSO: heard this band called the bravery (yeah I know, weird name), am almost tempted to see them (it would cost $1.60 in orangevale), I haven't been to a modern concert since I came to college, I've seen plenty of student shows, I've been to classical concerts and dance reviews, I've been to jazz clubs... it might be interesting, I mean its the 27th, maybe the 28th.
posted by Amber at 4:11 PM
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humdrum
| | gar, Blogger can be a saucy bitch sometimes (sorry just waited about 15 minutes for the damn page to load). Anyway, today was boring. I have that paper to do, but I don't want to do it, so its been rough going. Yeah, I saw Lata today, we rehashed the Sonny (I am going to feel so silly if that is not his name, or even better if his name bears no relation to Sonny, like Mathew or Okonkwo) incident. She got asked to dinner today randomly by an acquaintance... grr universe I shake my fist at thee! I mean, not that I mind the whole giving me Frank, and all, no really I am thankful, but, but, but, the random asking out to dinner, the attempts at club pick ups by nice boys, any assertive/sincere behavior by attractive men! At all ! Ever! oh okay I feel shallow.
Sooo... yeah, my Japanese history professor had kidney bleeding... again. This poor man, he may be a genius and all, but he sure got the short end of the stick health wise. Who in their forties gets the gout anyway? Who besides British ex- service men in Agatha Christie novels gets the gout!? Personally I had always thought that the gout (not gout, the gout) was a literary invention that the dame Christie made up (she is a Dame too, which I find too funny for words). Nope, apparently its real, and painful.
There was napping a plenty today, which is kind of bad, because now its almost one thirty and I am not sure I'm going to be tired. Sterling is busy, Frank got sleepy early, so I've been bored.
Well, I guess I should try to sleep some more, I do have class and all tomorrow (I believe its the second half of that movie! yay!).
posted by Amber at 1:13 AM
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today
| | meh, so today was kind of boring. I saw Frank, which was nice, we went to the library, I have a book to read on Korean culture... which should be interesting. I talked to people... a lot today. I talked to Frank, I realized that I don't have a monopoloy on invoking the ghost of neurotic 12 year olds, I talked to Ed, and he insisted upon staying up late (for no real good reason), I talked to Sterling, he was taking a break from O-chem, we talked about us, and that was good too. Nothing bad happened, but nothing especially cool. I am really tired and its really warm in my room, I think I am going to:1 open a window 2. turn on my CD player and 3. sleep until ten am.
posted by Amber at 1:14 AM
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Serenity
| | Yesterday was fun. I went to crepes with frank (if I don' t eat Frank gets annoying, its a weird scientific fact). Then ROBOTMEDIA. It was a lot of fun, they are very rarely pretentious, just a lot funny films, and some crap. The one about the action figures was great (you see a little kid playing with action figures, they you see four guys dressed as the action figures, it was really funny, but the superhero wearing only a cape and a little bag with assfloss, [speedos are waay more conservative] and his butt flexing, was over the top). Lata brought her beau, who isn't her beau yet, her beau-to-be (can you tell I like the word beau? Well I do, beau is great). His name is... I believe Sonny, he's an engineer, raised in Bombay, he's really quiet but nice. We went to pie, apparently this young man studies minimum eight hours a day (finals are coming up)....I'll repeat that MINIMUM 8 HOURS a DAY. Apparently his major is really small (his class is the first of some group of engineers to graduate) and they bonded well. Talking to him... made me appreciate how great my major is, and how I NEVER want to be an engineer. Lata is almost decided on the lawyer, which is cool, but still. Looking at these two professionals, who have a long life of working their ass off ahead of them... just made me think, you know, I think I can handle what I plan on doing. True my life plan is visit the country, and maybe live in Europe (riding around on Frank's musical coattails) until I get my own bookshop... which means a lot of near poverty, at least I am young, and I won't be doing this all my life. If everything fucks up, I'll teach... which will suck... but no TPS reports, you know? Thank you, thank you, Sonny (if that is your name), unintentionally you reaffirmed my life plan or made me feel better about my lack of one, maybe I did the same for you. Maybe you talked to us and thought: wow, these people are slackers and have no plan for their lives... what freaks, I am so glad I know what I am going to be doing.
Somebody remind me of this serenity later when I am flippin' out.
posted by Amber at 12:30 PM
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the benefits of 14?
| | yeah, so I feel good today, second day in a row. Today, and I've only been up for like four and a half hours, is shaping up to be good. I am trying to bully Lata into asking this guy out to Robotmedia tonight, hopefully that works out, I'm seeing Frank tonight, I spent last night with a sexy shirtless man (true, he was making sure I was still breathing, and I didn't get a chance to appreciate the sexy shirtlessness...but lets focus on the positive here), I'm watching student films, I have food and money, and I only have two papers due left this quarter. God, life can be fantastic.
posted by Amber at 12:25 PM
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celebration?
| | Yeah so, I celebrated today. Work is over, so instead of being, you know, responsible, I went and did a whole lot o' nothing today. I cleaned and listened to ELO... it was nice. Sterling came over at around 9pm, we went out to dinner, and then we saw the Birdcage (he enjoyed it, I love having a companion for a drag queen movie)... I love Nathan Lane, he is a better woman than I will ever be. Yeah, so, Whalers, and lack of proper measurements... not so good... hours later, I am doing alright, but not good enough. Sterling handled it well, I guess. I mean I am not dead, so yay? Anyway, we walked to his house, and I am working on feeling my face, I think I shall sleep with supervision tonight. Tomorrow reading for Japanese history and then Frank. Yes, Frank, he'll be in town and I worked my schedule to be free. Life is good, or at least waaaay better now that hell week is over..
now, to sleep.
posted by Amber at 3:03 AM
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Day 4
| | So, yeah, its over now... I got my ass kicked, but I stayed in the game and only cried once, at around seven pm so, go me. I woke up, went to Chinese history, and because of my exhausted/ hunger weak state, I cried a bit during the movie on the Student movement in 1989... okay I cried twice today, but only once about papers. Then I went and worked on my paper, then I went to English where I sat bored while she analyzed a story line by line, it was six pages of LINE BY LINE analysis. I ate three mouthfuls of moldy lettuce... but had to stop because, well it was moldy. I then went home and worked on my paper until around seven thirty pm (it was due at seven, but he said if we got it in before the class ended at ten it counted).... realized I really needed another day to work on the paper. I relaxed and cried for a bit, because I am so sick of writing papers, it defys description. Then, I looked to find out how much I would get docked for a late paper, and none of the papers he handed out said anything about late papers. So at eight oclock I started up again. I got 6.25 pages worth of bullshit out. It was organized, but still needed serious polishing, but it was 9:30, so I printed it out and went to class. I thought, if he does take late papers, then I am golden, but if he doesn't I'll turn in this. I found out... he doesn't take late papers. Thank god I did it.... I mean, it was bad, it was like C+ work... okay maybe C, but at least it wasn't a zero. Then I went to go home (maybe cry a little more), but there was no parking anywhere on my street, and I couldn't park in the mall parking because I saw a patrol guy take down my license plate yesterday. So I searched for a parking space all the way to Sterling's house... nothing (that would let me park over night without an S permit). So, I went to sterling's hoping he could give me a ride home. Instead, I saw Ong-bak, which is... gratuitious... but if you think of it like a MST3K episode... then it was good (people there, Paul, Lisa, Caitlyn (she fell asleep), Josh, Irene Sterling and I) Sterling and Irene are really cute together... its almost unrreal. Yeah, then Sterling drove me home... the whole little food, little sleep for days thing finally caught up with me, I was feeling woozy (I have a horrendous headache right now, I faint because of headaches... it sucks).
Things I ate today, ramen, gum, two bites of moldy salad and half a bell pepper. Things I ate yesterday...ramen, iced tea the day before: sandwich, ramen iced tea... the day before that, ramen and then enchiladas and iced tea. You know, maybe I should eat more... that doesn't sound like a lot of food. (been averaging 4-5 hours of sleep a night, and I am an 8hour girl). What I really need is money... but I've been having to buy food, so my installment that's coming saturday, will be about half of what it should be. Money is tight again... really pretty tight. Not floss and water tight, but definently ramen and iced tea tight (although I think the two things have about the same nutritional content). Alright, well my brain hurts and my week is over (tomorrow I just have to watch a film I missed in film class and do research for my big paper).
Argh... Frank is coming this weekend, but I don't think I get a chance to see him, I am too busy... sucky sucky sucky.
I'm going to bed, maybe when I wake up my headache will be gone... (more likely I'll be covered in sweat up at dawn because my schedule is all screwed up, I saw the sun rise today at a little before six... you know, its not so hot sunsets are better, and they don't interfere with sleep). No really, I am going to bed now, watch, can't stop me now.
posted by Amber at 1:33 AM
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Day 3
| | Hehe... well day three is over. And, yeah, I feel the homestretch, man do I ever. So, yeah I finished my Chinese Communism paper, it wasn't terrible... but it was no Pulitzer winner either... seven pages is such a bitch. AND I did my little paper, in like an hour and a half, which was so awesome... that I kinda sorta ended up taking the rest of the night off... um whoops? Yeah I went for icecream with sterling at 10 pm and didn't get home until twelve thirty, because I felt so good I didn't want to spoil it by, you know, writing another paper. BUT, my paper isn't due until 7pm (or worst comes to worst,10, but I know that the final will be based heavily on these last few movies, so I am shooting for no later than eight pm, and I have a sort of hang on what I am going to write on, double mirror construction reflexivity in Schizopolis and 8 1/2 and digenic/non-digenic sound (and maybe something about ties to director's lives... not sure). Yeah, six and a half pages, I know I can do it! But for now... sleep, beautiful sleep.
ALSO, may have offended Sterling a bit. See, Irene was over (she was very very busy playing games... so we didn't talk, in fact I don't think she really acknowledged my leaving) and she was playing computer games... some game that Sterling owns, and their interaction was funny. Irene had this sort of, I don't know what I am doing, isn't that amusing, attitude about playing... and that seemed to drive Sterling nuts. He kept offering advice, and twitching, as if itching to play it for her. I thought Irene put up with his sort of controlling attitude very well, she just enjoyed running around trying to kill things (she has this amusing, and I think, affected naivete, a oooh look at the pretty bunny cutsey that can be charming). Personally I would have told him to either explain the basics (which he was... very eager to do), told him to bugger off and let me play or told him to just play for me since he seemed so damn eager. Anyway, yeah, not sure the laughing on my part (and subsequent explanation) was appreciated... but you know, other people's relationship dynamics are.... well different, and I have to remind myself that I can't view everything in terms of: my way is right... and yours is not, and that comes out as laughing.
posted by Amber at 1:53 AM
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| | | | | | Wednesday, March 09, 2005 |
Day 2
| | oh yeah, I am feeling the hell now. So, I woke up went to class, came back wrote paper... from 11-around two. At 2 pm, god decided he hated me... and caused the hose under my sink to fantastically rupture. It started spurting scalding hot water, pointing upwards! I talked to the management (being as the damn thing was turning my room into a sauna and was emptying over a gallon of water every half an hour)... and James came and turned off the water and removed the hose. Bleh, I took a halfhour (which turned into an hour) nap, it felt good. I worked on my paper until six forty pm. I went to class... I came back, and worked on my paper from eleven pm to now. SO I bet you think I am done... well, I'm not. BUT, I have crawled onto the sixth page, with NO introduction or conclusion, and once I wake up tomorrow, give me about an hour and that will be a done deal.
The weather outside... was fucking beautiful today. It was hot, but not too hot, just wonderfully warm And it stayed warm, at ten pm, the air was still warm with a sort of cool feeling to it. It was like getting into a pool on a hot day, that exact same sort of cool refreshing "oooh" sort of feeling. Yeah, I took the G line home so I could walk in it a little. Simply gorgeous, I hope this keeps up until Friday, so you know, I can enjoy it.
The plan: finish this fucking paper tomorrow turn it in (I expect around one pm). Come home figure out what I am going to do for the OTHER paper I have due and start to work on that (as well as the little piddling paper, I might even do that tomorrow night so I can work on the term paper in between classes on thursday). I'm about half way there... aw man, this is hard
posted by Amber at 1:39 AM
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Hell Week Day 1
| | okay its day 2, but a technicality.
And, I'm holdling up, not fantastic, but I am doing it, damnit. I got up at nine am and wrote that paper for Japanese history, it was okay. I missed the bus, so I had to walk to school to meet Lata, I wore boots with no socks what the fuck was I thinkin? Lata is doing good, which is good, there might be a someone on the horizon... so go Lata! Yeah, seminar...sucked. BUT on the upside my evil 15 page research paper, became a 15 page Historical Fiction paper, and... that totally rules. Not that I've ever written 15 pages of historical fiction in my life, but I think it will be easier than you know the other option. Yeah, then I had to write a prospectus for the evil paper I was going to write, while researching it, that sucked and took two hours. So I got home, and COMPLETELY FLIPPED OUT. No, I started to try and attack my history paper, and, while I didn't cry, I was filled with absolute terror. Yeah, I had a working topic, worked on it for three hours, decided I hated it, changed my topic. Now, I have a bunch of quotes, a good idea of what I am going to write and a ghost of a thesis... its due at five pm tomorrow, I am not going to english (I have to go to Chinese history, but yeah after that, its just work work work).
In other news... talked to Sterling... and after my overemotional gut pouring... he as ALWAYS remained cool and relatively unaffected. Which is both extrememly comforting, and frigging annoying. At least I think he now knows how I feel, and it doesn't change much of anything about our friendship, which rules, because our friendship is one of the most precious things to me right now (yeah yeah I know that sounds horrendously cheezy but... there it is). In even better news, he's free this weekend, so after my evil two term papers are over, I get to celebrate with crappy movies (and maybe Whalers? I'm good for the money-- doe eyes--) and Sterling on Saturday.
THING TO KEEP IN MIND: odds are unlikely that I am going to die from doing all this work, as much as I freak, I know me, I'll get it done, only two more days and then I am free for a whole week! (yeah yeah small victory, but whatever!)... and this is the most important GRADUATION IS IN JUNE and you will NEVER have to do this shit again (unless I end up some day getting my masters... shudder).
ALSO: happy thoughts: Lata called Katrina a bitch (which she is) and Sterling called himself a dreamboat... its a beautiful day outside because summer is coming, and summer means swimming pools
goodnight!
posted by Amber at 1:42 AM
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the beginning of hell week
| | so hey, here we are at the beginning of hell week. How'm I feeling... pretty good... although I should be terrified, I am sure that that will come on its own. Yeah, well, did homework today, and cleaned and talked to people... for a friggin long time! other than that, not much. Apples are really good, and i need to rent schizopolis... soon!
Well enough chit chat, I gotta go sleep then wake up at nine to start the hard work!
Wish me luck!
posted by Amber at 12:56 AM
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| | oh grumble... there is no s morgenstern. I am... sadly ashamed I thought there was one, damn you goldman! I hate being tricked, and a trick that goes back 7 years.. that is even more annoying. Grrr.
In other news, not a whole fuck of a lot, really. Boring day, did homework. I saw Striptease last night... and it was very much like a musical, the whole thing was campy. The only downside was that there was no musical numers, just "dance" ones. I saw it acually, because I remembered Bobby Kanuck. Now I am sure you doubt that I would need the excuse of a guy I barely remember from junior high to watch some bad acting and soft core porn.. and I don't, so hear me out. Bobby Kanuck was the kid in my sccial studies class that you knew wasn't going to make it through highschool, he was big, and tough in a quiet way. He never needed to prove himself, one look at him and you knew that he was involved in "real" things, outside of the mostly imaginary drama of junior high. I remember he once told me that he didn't like rollercoasters because he said the danger wasn't real, it was all fake bullshit that made you feel like you were doing something dangerous when you weren't. (be the sea urchin amber) One day, he was in class after being absent for a while, he told me that his dad had rented him striptease, and told him he was 14 now and left the room. He looked at me, not saying isn't it great that my dad is like this , but more like, what the hell, what can you do. I remembered that look, so I rented it.
Um yeah, not much else going on. I went to the bookstore read by myself for an hour or so. Yeah, tomorrow I finish my reading and then start writing papers... oh next week is going to suck
posted by Amber at 11:03 PM
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The Importance of Being Less(?) Earnest?
| | You know, I've been thinking (never a good sign). Having an entry or two from this blog used against me in a conversation, made me wonder whether or not I should learn to become less honest, or open. My life is pretty simply structured in the sense that people either get nothing in regards to personal information about me... or everything becomes available. I don't know, I feel I should probably save myself and those I talk to some embarassing situations by just avoiding stuff, but then, part of me balks at that idea, and I don't think its just because it would be harder to process what is and isn't okay to say. I guess just most of my life, I never ever ever told anyone anything personal that might be able to be used against me, that I don't like the idea of restrictions on what I say to people I really care about. I mean, of course some restrictions apply, I am aware of that (no calling frank cute, even if I mean cute, because it really upsets him, use caution when nag/teasing Sterling, only discuss menstruation and anything sexual in the most broadest terms possible with anyone), but sometimes stupid emotional things bubble up inside me, and they bounce around inside me, I stew over them and fret, and stay up at night thinking about them, and so I say them, because it helps me, even if it causes uneccessarily awkward situations (I remember once writing an empassioned apology note to sterling, only to have him read it, raise and eyebrow at me and then stand there in silence). I guess my blog is part of that too, as if, if I can't get whatever it is out of my head to the person involved, I can deal with it here (although, for future reference, Frank hates it when i write here about drama between him and I, so blogging is not a viable tool), which is why having something I said here brough up in a heated argument... is so damn troubling. Looking back on it, it wasn't anything i wouldn't have said face to face anyway, but it is worrysome. I personally don't know how Ed does it, his blog is geared towards an invisible audience (whereas I think of mine as being addressed to a very personal you), that sounds burdensome to me, one more sphere where I would have to pretend that everything is okay even when its not (god I do that enough in real life).
I don't know, its something to think about anyway... (as if I needed one more thing keeping me up at night... sigh).
posted by Amber at 2:33 AM
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hehe
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Which Animaniacs Character Are You?
Talkative, huh? Perhaps sing-ative would be more appropriate, actually. When people don't understand something, it usually drives you to cutting, sarcastic remarks. Your other extreme is bursting into song with almost no prompting, often to explain complex ideas. No one knows quite what you are, exactly. You have many "special" friends, and there's baloney in your slacks.
You're damn straight... this made my day, oh how I love Yakko Warner (I picked up the compulsive habit from Frank's ex-roomate of taking tests).
Alright so now I am going to go take a shower, because I am dirty girl then go to film history and then eat, on sterling's dime! Whoo hoo!
posted by Amber at 5:14 PM
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oh boy
| | yeah, today... sucked. I got into a fight with Sterling, I had what I think was a friendship ending fight with Nick and I still have this paper to do, this big ass paper. Never fear, I've done like three pages of it... too bad it needs to be more than five. On the upside, it has no intro and conclusion, so that is wiggle room. But yeah, sucky. I kinda broke down at like one thirty... so sterling, because he is a wonderful guy, came over. And, I didn't cry, which is good, because things would have gotten awkward, so this way, they weren't and I still managed to talk to someone, a person in front of me, which was so good, you have no idea. I did get a headache (from previous crying, in fact I still have it, and am woozy, but I managed to faint, with apparent grace (didn't crack my head too hard on the concrete, and sterling didn't step on my hand). Human interaction is neccessary, damnit. Oh yeah, I also managed to talk to Ed, which was interesting... its a lot harder be synthilating when you have to do it rapidly, but it went well.... I kinda wish all this didn't happen the night before I have a huge paper due... but you know me everything happens at once.
Tomorrow (um, technically today): Get up early try and bullshit more on paper, go to Chinese history, finish up paper in computer lab, turn in paper and doodle through english, check out books in library that my professor recommended, have interview with him (will probably get a tongue lashing, but you know, right now I so don't care), come home, do reading for film history (and chinese history), go to film history, go out to eat, play neopets, sleep. Sound like fun to you? Meh, me either, but whatever, its what I am doing. Now, to bed for a nap!
posted by Amber at 3:45 AM
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| | feeling very very very very isolated. I swear today, I haven't had any intelligent conversation with anyone, and its getting to me. I have that english paper due thursday, but I think it will be cool. Goddamnit, stupid reading for class all the goddamned time. I am going to go stir crazy if I don't get out and talk to people... soon, and it won't be cute (no matter what Frank might think), it will just be bitchy.
ON THE GOOD SIDE: Living in Oblivion, is so incredible, you must see it (I seem to be full of movies that everyone must see, but really, no go see it). It has Steve Buscemi, who for some reason I really like as an actor (not that he's bad, he's just kind of an odd choice) and he is SO young (which is strange because he is the same age as my mother, and he wasn't that young in 1995, )... I mean, maybe I am just really attatched to Ghost World... but here he plays a main character too, and a sort of romantic lead (imagine another film where he is a romantic film, yes, it is off the wall but in such an awesome way). GO SEE IT, DAMNIT... in fact better yet, watch it with me, I want to see it again.
So, final score: crappy no talking to people day v. excellent film and cool idea for a picture book about monkeys... not so shabby... if only I had someone to talk to!
posted by Amber at 10:21 PM
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