| | This is a warning, my day was not good, and I am not happy, thus everything shall have a negative tinge to it. You have been warned.
Okay, yeah today sucked. It was rainy when I woke up, which meant that the bus was packed. It was so packed they wouldn't let me on, so I had to wait for the next bus. I was late to class (my professor likes to start early anyway, so I was really late). I cannot stand my Native American Studies 1 class, I hate it. I do not want to go into any more detail than that, but I am going to take it pass/no pass because I don't need it except for the units and I really hate it. I also hate my discussion class for NAS 1, in fact, I hate that more. On the bright side I really love my Mex-Amer history class and discussion, they are awesome. So after my long ass day, I go out in the mist, and the bus either left early, or just didn't come. So I walked home in the dark through the park ("we will call him Clark"). So, yeah, totally sick of school I get home, and try and convince Sterling to go have pie with me, but no dice. He had an icky day too, and just wanted to sleep (at 11pm, which means he really must have been feeling low. I hope he feels better). So, then I start talking to Nick, and that is going well, until he invites me to the movies this saturday with some of his friends. Well in his group of friends, there are two women I can't stand and my ex boyfriend, Dan. I almost went just to get closure with Dan. Our relationship ended really badly, he said some really nasty things... one of which being that he found me and girlfriends to be "a drag." (hurtful, yet also funny) My time with Dan was not a happy one in my life (or at least the breakup through the start of college was especially awful), I always wanted to make things better, but he told me that I was forbidden from ever calling him again when we last communicated. Apparently he has a girlfriend now named Jessica I think, Nick wasn't fond of her (he also commented that they have sex, which is a weird thing to say... or at least its kind of weird to imply that that is a bad thing). So yeah, now I am thinking all about Dan and that time in my life, and all of the things I did then I am not proud of... Oh man, this is one more instance of why I hate going back "home." I remember all the reasons I left (ran) for college, I remember how unhappy and alone I felt especially towards the end and I wonder if I will ever willingly go back. I think I will, I remember promising my friend Pam Wise that I would go to the reunions (she was supposed to go too), so I will honor that promise. As tempting as I have found it to romanticize my past, especially when I feel so rootless and uncertain now, I guess I really can't...
"Is it perfume from a dress/That makes me so digress?/...And should I then presume?/And how should I begin?" Wow, you know I am feeling bad when I whip out the Prufrock. It is typical me to associate my life with what many people consider to be 20th century poetic anti-hero, in the melodrama of my life, I never think small. Well whatever, Nick has promised me that tomorrow (today?) will be better, and it had better live up to his projection. I am going to bed (to go stew some more...I must break this habit)
posted by Amber at 1:13 AM
|
